


Let's Begin Again

by jennifersmockingjay



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 9/11 Terrorist Attacks, Ableism, Abusive Relationships, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Rape, Autistic Character, Blackmail, Canon Compliant Depictions of Violence, Castiel Whump, DCBB 2019, Dean/Cas Big Bang 2019 (Supernatural), F/M, Female Sam Winchester, Grieving, Homophobia, Loss, M/M, Slurs, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2020-12-17 02:37:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 23,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21046916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennifersmockingjay/pseuds/jennifersmockingjay
Summary: Castiel Novak’s life is changed drastically after the 9/11 attacks killed thousands, including his husband, Alexander. Five years have passed and his older sister, Anna is getting married to a suitable businessman. The only thing is that the wedding is taking place in Scotland and the family has to travel there for two months in advance to hold a spot. Just when life seems to go downhill for Castiel, he meets Dean Winchester. The gardener and caretaker of the home the family is renting. They don’t hit it off very well at first, but Dean is persistent that they become friends. So, he takes the bait and is in for a wild summer ride in the Scottish Highlands.





	1. Chapter 1

#  **Prologue**

September 11, 2001

**8:42 am**

The broom swept across the floor, dust kicking up slightly as it went into the dustpan. The light hum of the lights overhead buzzed softly. Castiel crouched down and picked up the dustpan by the handle. He straightened up as he went over to the trash can and dumped the dirt and paper wrapper straws into the trash. He put the dustpan and broom away behind the counter. The bell rang, as two people entered into the dinner. 

Castiel straightened up as Megan Milligan and her husband, Adam, entered the dinner. Adam worked at the restaurant and Megan was a waitress. “Hello, Clarence,” Megan said as she brushed her blonde hair out of her face. Castiel rolled his eyes as he opened the register and counted the money from last night. 

“I thought you’d be home with Alex,” Megan asked. Alexander was Castiel’s husband who worked in the World Trade Center as an accountant. 

“Alex had to work today,” Castiel said plainly. Megan smiled sadly.

"I take it didn't work out with you guys? About the whole kid's thing?" she asked.

"No. We had a really bad fight. He wouldn't even talk to me this morning." Castiel said. Megan frowned. 

"Oh Cas, I'm sorry.”

Adam walked up behind Megan and patted her oversized stomach. 

“Do you know yet if it’s a girl or boy?” Castiel asked. Megan smiled. 

“A little girl,” Adam said. Castiel smiled. 

“Do you have a name yet?” he asked.

“Millie, after my mother,” Adam said. "What time is it?"

Castiel looked at his watch. "It's eight forty-six..." he began, when there was a large booming sound. It rattled the small building. Everyone froze. 

"Was that an earthquake?" Adam asked. People outside were whirling around, and a man in a suit ran inside. He was scared, eyes wide.

“A plane has just hit the World Trade Center!” With that, he ran out of the restaurant.

“Oh my god. You think it ran out of gas?” Megan asked. Castiel put the money into the register and closed it with shaking hands. 

“I don’t know; I need to call Alex,” Castiel said as he took his Nokia 3360 from his back pocket. He dialed Alex’s work number, then waited for him to pick up. The line kept ringing and ringing. Castiel hung up and tried again. It kept on ringing.

“I can’t get a call through, I need to go there.” Castiel left the side of the counter and went to the rack to get his leather coat.

“Whoa, wait a second, Cas. What if it’s like the 1993 bombings?” Adam asked. There had been a bombing, but Castiel wasn’t living in New York at the time. No one was hurt, but it did some nasty damage.

“Who in their right mind would fly a plane into the Trade Center? Knowing they would die.” Castiel turned away from Adam as he held onto Megan’s hand. 

“I’m staying here. You go. If you can’t come back, get somewhere safe,” Megan said. He looked back at his friends, then slammed open the glass door and was out onto the street. People were standing in the middle of the road, pointing at the two towers. 

**8:50 am**

What was happening?!

Castiel thought of the people on that plane as he fast-walked through the crowd of people. Castiel looked up to the towers again. 

No one would ever attack America. They’d have to be insane.

Castiel crossed the street, and almost got hit by a yellow cab. A dark-skinned man with dreadlocks stuck his head out of the driver's side window. He didn’t yell at Castiel but pointed to the tower. “Di’s country es under attack,” He shouted. Some people looked his way. Castiel ignored him. 

People were taking photos. Tourists mostly. Castiel crossed the street.  _ Five blocks, _ he told himself. He didn’t need to run, Alex worked in the South Tower and it was perfectly fine, but he still needed to get to him. It would take him nine minutes to get there.

Police sirens and firefighters were gathered up by the base of the North Tower as Castiel reached the buildings. He jogged across the street, and over to the South Tower, where people were pouring out of the building. They didn't push or shove. Castiel squeezed by people who were just standing there, looking up at the North Tower. 

**8:59 am**

“Cas!” 

Castiel whipped around to see Alexander pushing his way through the crowd. Castiel ran forward and embraced the taller man. Castiel squeezed him tightly around the waist.

“What happened?” Castiel asked. Alexander stepped out of the crowd with Castiel still hooked on his waist.

“I saw the plane, and I didn't think twice. I thought it was just going up to Canada, but I haven't  **seen** a plane that close to the Towers in years. Then it just...crashed into the tower,” He said. Castiel looked up at him. 

“What are you suggesting?” Castiel asked. 

Alexander looked down at him, his blue eyes shone in the light of the sun. 

“I'm saying, why?” he said. Castiel shook his head.

“I'm just glad you're okay, I love you” Castiel hugged him tighter. 

**9:03 am**

People started screaming, and Castiel looked up to see another airplane, flying low, too low. It was coming in at an angle, to the left. It was going faster, and faster until...

It happened so fast, it was ringing in his ears. The plane smashed into the South Tower, causing another huge selection of the building to burst into enormous flames. A huge, black puff of smoke covered the top of the tower.

“Alex, let's go.” Castiel stumbled over his sentence. Alexander stopped hugging him and let go, staring up to the tower.

More people were screaming, and shoving others to the ground. 

“Alex! Please let’s get out of here!” Castiel cried. He was scared. Alexander wasn't moving.

Castiel grabbed his arm and pulled it.

“Please! Alexander, I'm begging you. I'm scared!” 

Alexander turned to face him, his beautiful complexion disappeared. His soft brown-green eyes have gone dark, his shoulder-length hair blew in the wind, as he stared at Castiel. 

“Do you trust me?” he asked. Castiel dropped Alexander's arm and laced his fingers into Alexander's. 

“What? What do you mean?” Castiel asked. 

“Do you trust me?” Alexander asked. 

“Baby, you know I do,” Castiel said.

“I'm going back in,” Alexander said. Castiel's eyes widened. 

“What?! No!” Castiel yelled. Alexander let go of Castiel's hands and cupped his face.

“I said in my vows, that I will trust you until the day I die. You said I do. Now, trust me!” Alexander leaned into Castiel and kissed him, the warmth of his lips, he tasted the night before was still there. Castiel opened his eyes, as Alexander pulled away.

“I trust you,” He said. 

“Don't come in the building, leave. Go home, I'll be home,” he said. Castiel felt tears starting to fall.

“We can redo the office and make it into a nursery,” Alexander said. 

“Alex,” Castiel whispered.

“Cas.” Alexander wrapped his hand around Castiel's. “Go, now,” he said, starting to pull away, Castiel still gripped his hand but Alexander pulled away, his wedding ring slipped off into Castiel’s grasp. 

Alexander took several steps toward the building, then turned on his heel. He ran into the entrance of the tower. Castiel stood there for a moment, then suddenly felt the ring in his palm, it was smooth, and he rubbed it lightly. Policemen and firefighters were clearing the area, still trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

**9** :10 am

“Sir, you need to clear the area. We need to get firefighters up to that building!” a cop said, okay more like yelled, in Castiel’s face, Castiel still stood there. There was the sharp sound of skin hitting skin. The cop slapped him across the face. Castiel cupped his left cheek and looked up to the cop.

“Go! Now! I NEED THIS AREA CLEAR NOW! YOU NEED TO MOVE! YOU WANT TO DIE?!” The cop screamed. Castiel shook his head fast, then felt his feet moving, He was shuffling and running at the same time. He cupped his palm tighter to his stinging face. He had to get back to the diner, then he would be safe. 

_ No, I can’t leave Alex, _ he thought. He looked back at the two towers. He shoved Alexander’s wedding ring into his pants pocket, smoothed back his deep brown. Then he ran back across the street, past the people who were still running around, past the CNN news reporters. He was nearing the building. 

_ THIS IS SUICIDE!!! _ his mind screamed. He was nearing the doors of the South Tower, then he was shoved back violently, arms wrapping around his waist, yanking him from the ground. Castiel let out a scream. He kicked up his legs as the arms wrapped around him tighter. 

“You want to die?!” 

The voice seemed familiar. Castiel looked up to see Naomi. Naomi worked with Alexander with the department. 

“Where’s Alex?!” Castiel screamed in her face. Naomi looked at him, her face stiffened, her eyes boring into his.

“He’s still up there,” she said plainly.

“Then I’m going back in!” He screamed.

“NO!” she cried. He tugged at her grip, but she held on tight.

“Let me go! Let me go! Let Me Go LET ME GO!” He stumbled over his words. Naomi dragged him away from the towers. Castiel was dead weight, sobbing at Naomi. He fell to his knees, on the sidewalk, across the street. It hurt, he thought he must have bruised them. Naomi let go of Castiel’s arms, and they dropped to his sides. He didn’t try to go back, he just stared at the ground. He had to catch himself a couple times. His brain was pounding at his head. 

He almost fainted.

**9:38 am**

“I need to get home,” Castiel said plainly. Naomi looked down at him, some of her hair from her bun was falling out. She looked so much younger. Naomi cleared her throat. 

“My car was by the tower. No use of trying to get out. Cas?” 

Castiel stood up looked back at the tower.

“Alex, he drove me,” Castiel whispered.

“Fuck, we have to walk,” Naomi said. Castiel looked away from the tower, as they walked together. 

“Wait, I told Adam and Megan I’d go back to the dinner. I want to see if my friends are okay,” he said. Naomi looked away from him.

“Hannah, my little Hannah; she's only three. I left her at the daycare,” she said. 

“You go find your daughter, Naomi. I’ll get back to the dinner okay,” he said.

Naomi looked at him, nodding as she walked past him. A wailing siren made her stop. 

“Cas!” she yelled over the screaming and sirens. He looked at her. “Stay safe!” 

He nodded and continued down the street to the diner. That be the last he ever heard of Naomi Stanley and her daughter. 

**9:46**

He walked up to the sidewalk, people running back and forth. The sound of sirens was still going. Paper from the towers fell like large flakes of snow. He still thought of Alex, he would make it out. Covered in the ash from the fire, he would be helping people. He was the kind of person who helped. 

Castiel bumped into a woman and little girl. “Daddy! I want daddy!” The little girl screamed at her mother. Castiel looked at the woman for a moment; her face showing fear. They look at each other. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

That’s when it happened. 

The moment everything stopped. 

Even his heart.

**9:59 am**

“Oh my god! Oh my god!” 

“Holy Shit!”

“Run!” 

He looked up and gasped. The tower was falling, collapsing in on itself. Then, rubble started to come down. People were running past him. Castiel didn’t move. His feet seemed to be stuck to the ground. Then, someone banged into his left shoulder, knocking him flat on his back, and he looked at the rumble. He started to back up then got to his feet, and it must have been an impulse. He felt his hands clasp onto the woman’s shoulder as she held onto her daughter. She looked at him, her face screwed up like a cork. 

“Just what the fuck do you think you are doing?!” she snapped. He remembered what the cop said.

“ _ Do you want to die _ ?”  h e yelled The gray smoke  billowed  closer to where they were standing. He didn’t wait for her to answer, instead, he shoved her to a nearby building.

“Get in there!”  h e shouted. The woman opened the door and went in with her daughter, and he shut it tightly after them. That’s when it came. The blast, a dust cloud of crumbling tower/ It launched him away from the door and he went spiraling back as he hit the pavement into the street. His head hit hard into the ground, and Castiel’s world went dark.

***

Alexander laughed as they jumped up and down on the king-sized bed in their hotel room. Castiel was in pants and nothing else. It was their wedding night. Alexander almost fell off the bed, and Castiel tossed his head back as he laughed. Alexander his hands. Castiel jumped once more, then sat down, the covers flowing as Alexander, came down on him, kissing him on the nose. Castiel shut his eyes as he squirmed under Alexander’s weight.

“I saw you at the coffee shop two years ago; I liked that beanie you wore,” Alexander said. Castiel opened up his eyes as he smiled widely. He rolled over switching their positions.

“I love every day, and I’ll love you until I die,” Castiel said. Alexander’s hands touched his hips. 

“Now, since we're married - I can show you why I got this room,” Alexander said.

Castiel smiled, “So we can’t order McDonalds?” Castiel asked Alexander smiled.

“I’ll take you tomorrow for breakfast. But tonight you're mine ," he flipped Castiel over and kissed him as Castiel’s hands traveled up and down Alexander’s back. Alexander pulled away as Castiel took in a deep breath, he shut his eyes and took in another breath. 

“Ready?” Alexander asked. Castiel nodded, and he felt himself slide down under the covers. 

  
  


Later that night as they lay together, Castiel was talking about going to see the constellations. Alexander listened to him, nodding.

“Oh! Can we go to a look-out point? Please!” Castiel asked. 

“Tonight?” Alexander asked.

“Tomorrow. It’s going to be a clear night.” Castiel rolled over on his side and looked at him. 

“Sure, I know you love stars,” he said. Castiel smiled as he rolled onto his back. Alexander rested his chin on Castiel’s shoulder. “I love you,” Alexander said. 

***

Castiel opened up his eyes, as he saw his older brother, Gabriel, standing over him. Gabriel was in his scrubs and was looking down at Castiel realized that he was moving, on a stretcher. He turned his head, a nd opened his mouth to speak, everything felt like it was in slow motion. Gabriel told him not to talk. Castiel nodded but  felt  pain  in his temple. He groaned as he went out again.

**8:30 pm**

_ “Good evening. Today, our fellow citizens, our way of life, our very freedom came under attack in a series of deliberate and deadly terrorist acts. The victims were in airplanes, or in their offices; secretaries, businessmen and women, military and federal workers; moms and dads, friends and neighbors. Thousands of lives were suddenly ended by evil, despicable acts of terror.” _

Castiel watched the screen as President Bush continued talking, thumbing the button on the hospital's remote.

“Cassie?” Castiel looked up and saw Gabriel in the doorway, still in his scrubs. He looked bone tired, a nurse in living hell. Castiel nodded as he acknowledged his brother.

“I have to go home, get showered and I’ll be back in the morning. Okay?” Gabriel asked.

“I’m fine,” Castiel said. Gabriel shoved his hands in his jacket pockets. 

“Look Cas, I know…” Gabriel began but Castiel interrupted him.

“He’s dead. Isn’t he?” Castiel said dryly.

“What?” Gabriel asked as he crossed his arms over his chest. He looked at his little brother with concern.

“Alex, he’s dead , isn't he?” Castiel said as he lowered the volume on the TV,  sitting up a little more  in the bed.

“Don’t lose hope Cas ... ” Gabriel began.

“You know as well as I do. No one could be able to survive that collapse” Castiel said angrily.

“You think Alexander would give up on you?” Gabriel asked with as much anger as Castiel.

“He’s dead! I know it !” Castiel let out a sob. Gabriel’s face softened quickly as he let out a sigh. 

“Cas,” Gabriel began. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” 

“He’s dead! Oh God! He’s dead!” Castiel yelled. 

Gabriel looked out into the hallway, then walked into the room, shutting the door, he walked over to Castiel’s bedside and put his arms around his brother’s broken-down body. After a moment, he climbed into bed beside him and Castiel buried his face into his shoulder. Castiel was sobbing as he pulled his older brother tighter into him. Between his sobs and Gabriel’s comforting voice and touch, Castiel still could hear the President’s last few words of his speech.

_ “None of us will ever forget this day, yet we go forward to defend freedom and all that is good and just in our world. Thank you. Goodnight _ _ , _ _ and God  _ _ B _ _ less America.” _


	2. Chapter 2

#  **Chapter 1:**

**Five Years Later**

** _JFK International Airport_ **

The airport terminal was packed. It was New York City, and JFK was in the top ten busiest airports in the US. Castiel Novak walked with Gabriel who was eating a blueberry muffin he got from Starbucks _ .  _

“So,” Gabriel said in between mouthfuls of the muffin as he looked at his brother. Castiel gave Gabriel a disgusted look. 

“Close your mouth, Gabe,” he said. Gabriel looked at his little brother and rolled his eyes. Gabriel had one suitcase rolling behind him and a duffle bag slung over his shoulder. “You didn’t have to bring clothes for every day,” Castiel said.

“Well, I like not to be naked,” Gabriel said.

“Have you heard of wearing clothes twice?” Castiel asked. Gabriel gasped sarcastically.

“Then ruin my hygiene forever?” 

Castiel rolled his eyes and his brother. 

It was June. Anna, their older sister, was getting married, and out of all the places to get married, Anna picked Scotland. It wasn’t Scotland, Connecticut. It was in Scotland, in the United Kingdom. Castiel didn’t love traveling, but it was his sister. He had to suck it up and go.

“What are you thinking about?” Gabriel asked. Castiel glanced at him, his face spelled out  _ huh?  _ “You're my baby brother, I’ve seen that look millions of times. What are you thinking about?” Gabriel was looking directly at Castiel with his golden eyes, something that he inherited from their great-grandfather.

Castiel bit his lip as he forced himself into the stare of his brother’s eyes.

“I really hate planes,” Castiel whispered. Gabriel stopped and made a few people behind him walk around them, muttering nasty things. Gabriel grabbed his brother by the arm and looked at him with a sweet softness.

“I know it’s been hard. New York is healing, Cas you need to as well.” Castiel nodded as he went to touch the necklace he had been wearing for the past five years, with Alex’s ring and his. Gabriel smiled lightly as he continued walking and let go of Castiel’s arm.

“Come on, or we’ll miss the plane,” Gabriel said.

They weren't going directly to Scotland from JFK _ .  _ They first had to stop in LAX where their parents and siblings lived. Castiel and Gabriel were the only ones who went across the country to New York, each on an ASL scholarship. 

“Okay,” Castiel said.

The plane was boarding to LAX when they got to the gate. Castiel looked out to jetway where a Delta airline waited to be loaded. 

“Alright, Cassie…” Gabriel said as he looked down at his boarding pass. “They are boarding first class; we are economy class.” 

“I know. I’m not twelve,” Castiel snapped. This sudden outburst was unusual; Gabriel turned to look at his brother.

“Cas?” Gabriel asked. Castiel sighed, then looked over to Gabriel with a warm smile.

“I’m fine brother,” he said. “Let’s just get on the plane.” 

Castiel took the window seat, and looked out the window, watching as the flight crew loaded bags onto the plane. Castiel sat back in his seat and fumbled in his backpack under the seat in front of him. 

“Cas, we can’t take out anything until the plane gets up in the air,” Gabriel said. Castiel looked up to his brother. “Or you can pull it out,” Gabriel said. “You know that came out wrong.” Castiel stopped digging for the iPod, sitting back and kicking the backpack underneath his seat. He crossed his arms and huffed out a sigh. “Whatever,” Gabriel said. They were silent for a moment until a young woman walked past them. Gabriel looked behind her and smirked. 

“Isn’t she hot?” he asked his brother. Castiel stared at him for a moment but said nothing.

“I’m gay, not bi like you,” Castiel said coldly. Gabriel gave his brother a saddened look.

“Fine,” he snapped and turned away from his brother.

The plane took off ten minutes later; Castiel looked out the window has the JFK Airport got smaller and so did New York City, clouds were soon the only thing he could see. The seat belt sign went off and flight attendants wheeled down the aisle, asking if anyone wanted a drink.

“Coffee please,” Castiel said to the young flight attendant. She poured him a cup and he took a sugar packet and poured it in his coffee, stirring it around.

“I think you watched too much  _ Gilmore Girls, _ ” Gabriel said as he laughed. Castiel looked at him for a moment.

“I didn’t get pregnant at sixteen,” he said. Gabriel rolled his eyes as he let out a small cough, and took a sip of his whiskey from the tiny bottle the attendant handed him. “Are you ready to go back home?” Gabriel asked him a few minutes later.

“Of course, I love San Francisco, don’t you remember when we would go on the streetcars?” Castiel asked.

“I’d hang off, and you would get so scared,” Gabriel said.

“I wasn’t scared. You wouldn’t follow the rules; that’s why we always got kicked off.” Castiel said.

“Since when did you follow rules?” Gabriel asked.

They were quiet for the next hour until Gabriel turned on the in-flight movie,  _ Wedding Crashers.  _ With Owen Wilson and Bradley Cooper, who Castiel admitted was kind of hot. He didn’t really watch it, but couldn’t help listening to a few parts, Gabriel’s headphone volume rivaling his raucous laughter. He felt terrible for the poor man in their aisle seat. It felt like forever until Castiel moaned at Gabriel for how much longer.

“Four more hours,” Gabriel said.

“I’m going to die on this flight!” Castiel whined. He tossed his head back and let out a groan. His brother smiled. 

“So impatient my dear brother,” Gabriel said as he took a sip of his whiskey. Castiel leaned over and took out one of the headphones from his brother’s ear and put it into his. They watched the last part of the movie; Owen got the girl. 

Castiel didn’t realize he had fallen asleep. Not until he felt Gabriel’s elbow hit him hard in the chest, Castiel jolted awake and Gabriel was standing up in the aisle looking at him.

“People are waiting,” he said. Castiel unbuckled the seat belt and took his backpack from underneath the seat, zipping it up hastily. He pushed past Gabriel and threw open the overhead compartment and took his suitcase, allowing it to fall into the aisle next to Gabriel.

“Watch it, you almost broke my foot!” Gabriel growled at him, a woman behind him tapped on his shoulder. 

“Can you move?” 

Gabriel glared at her. “No, I  _ cannot.  _ My brother is  _ freaking  _ scared of planes, also my foot is in crisis here,” he said. 

“That's not a crisis!” the woman snapped.

“It is now,” Gabriel argued. 

Castiel grabbed his brother's arm and gave him a tug. 

“Let's go,” Castiel whispered. Gabriel let out a small sigh. Castiel let go of his arm and walked down the aisle with his backpack and suitcase, Gabriel close behind.

***

They walked along the skywalk and down to baggage claim where they would meet their mother, aunt Amara, and big brother, Balthazar. 

“Do my eyes deceive me?!” 

Rebecca Novak screamed as she came at them like a football player making a touchdown. Their mother was beautiful, with tanned skin, brown sugar eyes and light brown hair with blond highlights. She hugged Gabriel as he hugged her back. She pulled away and opened up her arms again.

“Castiel!” Becky said as she hugged him tightly. She rested her hands on his shoulders as she pulled back, her smile fading as her eyes fell on the necklace.

“He would have loved Scotland,” she said, as her hands dropped and she looked at him. Castiel smiled as he looked past his mother, seeing his aunt and older brother, Balthazar standing and talking to Gabriel. 

“I think we should get going. We shouldn't let Anna and Michael and your father be at the restaurant forever,” Mrs. Novak said as she turned to the other members of the family.

“Dad isn’t here?” Castiel asked. 

“Oh no, he’s with Anna and Michael. He doesn't like the crowd of the airport, you know your father.” Mrs. Novak patted Castiel’s arms and turned around to face Gabriel, Amara, and Balthazar. 

“Why don't we go,” she said. 

They walked towards the entrance of LAX. Amara walked beside Castiel; she wore a black shirt and white jeans, her hair in a ponytail.

“Are you dating anyone?” Amara asked. 

“No,” Castiel said.

“Are you going to be dating anyone?” Amara pressed. 

“I don't know,” Castiel said. 

“Are you still gay?” 

“Yes.” 

***

The  _ Daily Grill  _ was a bar and restaurant, not far from the airport and Michael Chatfield, Anna’s soon-to-be husband, rented a private room just for Castiel’s family. Anna bore no family resemblance to the other Novak’s with her red curly hair, light skin, and green eyes. When Mrs. Novak, Amara, Balthazar, Gabriel, and Castiel made their way to the back, Anna spotted Castiel. 

“Castiel! It’s nice to have you home.”

Everyone eventually sat down, and after about fifteen minutes their dinner and drinks were served. Castiel was eating his salad when Michael’s attention turned to him. 

“Castiel,” Michael said as he was eating chips and steak. Castiel looked up to Michael who sat across from him. “You probably have a perfect reason why you haven't seen my beautiful future wife, for five years.” 

Castiel stopped eating and looked over to Anna who bit her lip and looked at Michael. 

“I was dealing with some  _ problems _ ,” Castiel said. 

_ “ _ You got a girlfriend?” Michael asked him. 

“Um,” Castiel began. “No-I mean...um,”

“Then  _ what _ ?” Michael pressed. 

“I had a husband. I thought Anna told you about him?” Castiel asked and looked over to his sister.

“Had?” Michael asked. 

“He passed away,” Castiel said dryly. 

“How?” he pressed.

“Michael!” Anna snapped. Everyone was looking at him; no one moved. It was quiet - so quiet, Castiel could hear his own heartbeat.

“He died in the 9/11 attacks. There, happy?” Castiel snapped. He got up from the table. His family had blank looks on their faces. “I’m not hungry anymore,” he snapped. “I’m sorry - I-” He raced off to the nearest bathroom.


	3. Chapter 3

#  **Chapter 2:**

Castiel opened up the men’s room door and let it shut behind him. He went to the mirror and placed his hands on his face, sliding them down slowly.

“Oh Alex,” Castiel said in the mirror, “why was I so selfish?”

_ You weren’t selfish _ , his mind told him.

“Cas?” 

Castiel whirled around and saw Gabriel standing in the doorway; he must not have locked the door. 

“Don’t talk to me,” Castiel said as he went over to the toilet and put the seat down, so he could sit on the lid.

“For a nice place, they have a crappy bathroom, eh?” Gabriel asked.

Castiel put his hands on his face again and let out a sigh. “Why didn’t she tell him?” 

“Cassie- I wish I knew,” Gabriel said. Castiel’s shoulders slumped and he let out another sigh. Gabriel shifted from foot to foot. “Little brother, I suck at wording things, you know?” he said.

“Like right now?” Castiel asked. Gabriel smirked. 

“ Look, he's a dick, but he didn't know. And he and Anna great along really well. Please come back? Maybe he'll grow on us. ” Gabriel said. 

“You cheered me up. Thank-you.” Castiel rose from the seat and hugged his brother.

“Thank you,” Castiel said with more sincerity.

“Shut up, I’m not good at mushy stuff," he replied.

Both brothers came back to the table, and Castiel discovered his dinner plate had been taken away; he was left only with water. Michael and Anna were leaned in close to each other, whispering. Anna’s phone chimed and she looked at the screen.

“What?” she gasped.

“What’s wrong?” Mrs. Novak asked.

“The flight, it’s been changed! We’ve only got an hour-” she looked at everyone at the table. 

“Move!” Anna said, standing so quickly she almost knocked over the table.

“Can they do that? Change the flight?” Mrs. Novak asked her husband.

“Well they aren’t going to say, ‘Hey, we're going to change your flight at the very last possible moment, we’re just making sure if that's okay with you?’” Chuck said as everyone made their way out of the back room.

They made it to the parking lot. Getting all the bags and suitcases from different cars. Chuck called a shuttle and was going to pay him extra if he could get here in five minutes. Everyone was waiting on the sidewalk, when a shuttle came in at top speed, pulling up to their little group. Before the driver could say hello, the family tossed everything into the back of the van and climbed inside. 

“Everyone got seatbelts on?” the driver asked.

“Drive!” Anna shouted.

Castiel looked at his sister, then his eyes met Michael’s, but Castiel blinked and glanced away as the shuttle pulled away from the parking lot onto the main road, speeding down the freeway back to LAX.

The cab screeched to a halt and Chuck scurried around to the truck, throwing luggage at anyone with a free hand. Castiel thought he might have been given Anna's garment bag, his own backpack slung hastily across his back. They made it through security in record time, his normally stoic Aunt flinging her shoes into the plastic bin and calmly asking the woman a the head of the scanner if they could please cut in line. A miracle of miracles, she did, to the chagrin of the other dozen or so people behind her. 

Then, they were off, hopping into their shoes, pushing hair back from their eyes. Castiel thought they must look funny, eight people running after a plane, but at LAX, they were hardly the only people sweating to catch a flight. 

The careened into Terminal Three with minutes to spare. The gate attendant looked up from her podium with a relieved smile. 

"Novak family, right this way, please."

Amara took out her ticket from her big black purse and shoved it in the flight attendant's face, so did the rest of the family.

***

“Welcome to United Airlines, this a trip from Los Angeles, California to Aberdeen, Scotland. This will be a thirteen-hour and fifteen-minute flight,” a nice flight attendant said over the loudspeaker. Castiel was in the aisle seat, but these seats were nice, had enough space for you to sleep in and even had a nice TV -you could watch your own movie choices. He liked this plane-For the first time in a long time...Castiel was actually going to enjoy this flight.

In the first five hours, Castiel watched two movies,  _ Mr. & Mrs. Smith _ and  _ The Exorcism of Emily Rose _ . That’s what he got for asking Gabriel what he should watch next. Castiel sat back in the seat and felt tired. 

“I think I need to get some sleep,” Castiel said to his brother.

Gabriel shrugged and continued to watch the small TV screen as Castiel went in and out of dreamless sleep.

When Castiel woke up, Gabriel was sitting sipping some orange juice, it was morning and Castiel eyed his brother.

“Here,” Gabriel handed him a cup that was filled with...he smelled it...Coffee. Castiel looked at his brother who wasn’t looking at him but looking at a newspaper. He hated reading, and Castiel knew it.

“Sir?” A flight attendant asked as she went by them with a trash bag. “I need you to empty your trash in ten minutes or so, we will be landing in thirty minutes.”

“Are you ready for Scotland?” Gabriel asked.

“Of course,” Castiel smirked.

It always rained in Scotland. It was raining right now in a steady drizzle. Castiel didn’t like the rain, thinking the plane would slide the hell off the runway and they all would die. The plane didn’t slip; it landed just fine. Castiel watched the rain slip down the window of the rented car, the hills were green and cows ate the grass slowly. Right now, their parents followed Anna and Michael’s car that was leading them to their new house for two months.

“Aren’t you excited?” Mrs. Novak asked.

“Of course I am…” Mr. Novak replied.

“You're not going to get all emotional,” she said.

“What? When was the last time I got emotional?” He asked. 

“Dad,” Castiel rolled his eyes. “May I remind you, that you were sobbing when you were making a toast at my wedding?” 

“I wasn’t the one who spilled the drink on you,” Chuck said, catching Castiel's eye in the rearview mirror as he brought up the age-old blunder, “Frank - that clumsy piece of-” 

“Frank was nice! Dad, he got us the hotel,” Castiel snapped. Frank was Alexander’s father. Yes, he did spill the drink on him, and might have said some things about God, and made Castiel cry at the table, but that was Frank. He was nice until he passed away last year.

“Shut up both of you,” Mrs. Novak snapped, and everyone went silent.

The house was only twenty minutes away from Aberdeen. The cars passed old stone buildings and other small homes. Turning down a dirt path that had trees lining the way. The house was a dark oak brown, two stories, with a green roof and small balcony. “It's quite beautiful, isn't Chuck?” Mrs. Novak asked.

“Yeah. How about it? You boys ready for a fun adventure?” Mr. Novak asked looking in the rearview mirror. 

Balthazar shifted in the seat. “Do we get our own rooms because I'm not making the same mistake I did when we went on that cruise - Jesus Christ, I had to listen to your  _ lovemaking _ .” Balthazar shot a glance at Castiel. 

“What?” 

“Could you have been any louder?” 

“Oh shut it, he was making up for the month we couldn't have sex.” Castiel rolled his eyes. 

“TMI!” Gabriel growled as he placed his hands over his ears and made a face that made him look like he ate something sour.

“Alright, everyone outta the car, I'm sick of listening to you guys bicker - It's like having you back as teenagers, ugh!” Mrs. Novak said putting her hands on her face. 

“Oh mom,” Gabriel said sweetly, “you still love us, don’t you?” 

The car pulled into a small parking garage. The doors opened and everyone got out. Anna and Michael were talking to who Castiel assumed were the owners. He walked over to them along with the rest of his family.

“Welcome,” the lady said. Her blonde hair went to her shoulders. “My name is Mary Winchester.” She shook everyone’s hand. Her hands were soft, and Castiel noticed her wedding band was around her neck, not her ring finger. “My husband and son and daughter live just across the lake. My son, Dean, he works the gardens here, we hope you enjoy our second home for your wedding, miss,” Mary said. 

“Why thank you,” Anna said.

“You’re welcome, hon,” Mary turned made her way to a pickup truck parked to the side and got in, it started up and backed out and left.

“She’s nice,” Gabriel said. 

“We should get in because I’m cold as hell,” Amara said as she took a few steps to the front entrance. Castiel looked back to the road; if he squinted he could see Mary’s pickup. He turned around and went inside the house with his family.


	4. Chapter 4

#  **Chapter 3:**

There were five rooms, two bathrooms, and eight people. Anna and Michael agreed to share together. Mom and Dad got their own room, that was upstairs, and downstairs, Amara got her own room - because who would want to share a room with three of her nephews? 

Balthazar got the room that Castiel wanted to nab, but ended up with his face shoved into a wall as everyone was trying to get their own rooms downstairs.  That left the last and smallest room for Gabriel and Castiel to share in the narrow attic of the home.

“I call this officially hell,” Gabriel said as he stood in the doorway of the tiny room looking at Castiel who already had taken the bed by a small window. He sat his suitcase on the greenish blanket which covered the bed. 

“Oh cheer up, at least there are two beds, not one,” Castiel said as he unzipped his suitcase where his clothes were neatly folded, organized just the way he liked it. He took them out and set them on the bed, turning around and to open the small closet. 

“Are you going to use this?” Castiel asked.

“Nah, I’m gonna use the floor like the old college days.” 

Gabriel went over to his bed, and set his suitcase on the floor, shoving it under the bed with his foot. Castiel put his clothes away in the closet and shut the door. He placed his now-empty suitcase underneath the bed. He sighed and sat down on the bed, the springs squeaked. 

“You okay?” Gabriel asked.

“I’m fine, what time is it?” Castiel asked.

“Ten-to-three,” Gabriel said as he looked at his watch.

“You want to go check out the lake? I saw some docks and maybe a boat,” Castiel said.

“Loch Ness monster, here we come,” Gabriel said.

“Myth,” Castiel hissed. 

“Myth my ass,” Gabriel said as he got up from the bed.

“Where are you boys going?” Mrs. Novak asked from the living room; Castiel turned his head and saw everyone sitting together. Anna and Michael were holding hands. 

“Out to the lake,” Gabriel said.

“Really? I’m trying to get to know my future family,” Michael said.

“Mike...” Anna said, gripping his wrist.

“We're going,” Gabriel grabbed Castiel’s arm and they went out the front door. Castiel shut it lightly and turned to his brother who had his arms across his chest. 

“Wow, what a big bag of dicks!. I really wish I knew what Anna saw in him.” Gabriel snapped at Castiel as they walked down the steps of the house and turned left to go down the path that led to the lake.

“I know,” Castiel said rolling his eyes.

They walked down the dock, Castiel thinking it may be dark and gloomy, but at the same time it was beautiful and peaceful; birds chirped and Castiel kneeled down and touched the water, it was cold and Castiel wiped his hands on his jeans.

“Peaceful, huh?” Castiel asked. They stayed there for a while until the light in the sky started to darken.

“Let’s go back, I’m hungry,” Gabriel said.

“It’s like four-fifteen,” Castiel looked over his shoulder at Gabriel.

“It’s like -eight in New York,” Gabriel huffed. Castiel stood up and dusted off his jeans from the wood that might have caught on his pants. Castiel and Gabriel walked back to the house and had to listen to Michael tell the story of how he met Anna. 

“We met at a party. Very nice, then Anna was over there standing in the corner, smoking,” he gave Anna a squeeze. 

“I was not smoking,” Anna said.

“Yes, you were.,

“Um, no - not how I remember it!” Anna said as she let out a sigh.

“I think-” Michael began

“My dearest little brother, why don’t you tell me and Michael how you met Alex, I forgot. Oh, Mikey - it’s such a sweet little meeting.” 

_ You didn’t forget, you just don’t want mom or dad to find out that you used to smoke pot in the 90’s  _ Castiel thought to himself.

“Of course, sister,” Castiel put on a fake smile. 

“Alex and I met at a coffee shop; it was my first year in New York and it was an amazing coffee shop, price-wise was okay, but it’s New York - you have to buy a famous pizza for fifty dollars and still won’t be considered a ‘New Yorker.’ But anyway, I saw him there, some blonde was arguing with him, but he wasn’t looking at her; he was looking at me. Out of all the people, he was looking at me.” 

“Ugh,” Michael sighed.

“Shh!” 

“I went over there after she left, and I sat down across from him. He came there every day and we just talked for a few months. I came back because I realized there might be something there, and he wasn’t there. He wasn’t there the next day or for the next week. I gave up hope after that, thinking I should follow up on my dating profile, that I didn’t make.” 

Castiel looked at Gabriel.

“What?”

“Anyway, I was walking home, and I went to my dorm, and somehow Alex got in and was asking for me, and I fell in love with him that day, and a year and a half later, we got married.” 

“Isn’t that jumping the gun?” Michael asked.

“What?” 

“A year and a half - that’s quick,” he said.

“I don’t think it was, I mean it wasn’t like we got married because I was pregnant.”

Anna looked at Michael.

“Why do you have to question everything?” she asked.

  
“Why don’t we all go and eat out tonight? We can all fit in at least one of the cars, right?” Amara asked as she looked at everyone with a smile. Everyone was silent. 

“Yeah,” Mr. Novak mumbled.

“Okay, I’ll um, go and get my purse! Anna, I’ll grab yours, too,” Mrs. Novak smiled as she got up from the chair she was sitting in and quickly made it to the stairs. 

“Yeah, go out to eat, and maybe get a hookup,” Gabriel muttered. Castiel looked at him.

“For you,” he said dryly.

“Or you,” Balthazar said quietly.

“Oh shut up, you jackass,” Castiel snapped at him.

“Stop it both of you,” Chuck said angrily. “You're here to be part of your sister’s wedding, not be part of some  _ freak show _ .” 

“Sorry dad,” Castiel said and looked down at his hands.

_ Maggie’s Grill _ was a BBQ place, and the pulled pork looked was to die for. Castiel wasn’t that obsessed with meat, but he decided to try it because their waiter, Nick, was so kind to them. Maybe he had the eye for Castiel. 

“Here you go darling,” Nick said as he placed a steaming hot plate in front of Castiel, it was served with hush puppies.

“We could have gone to New Orleans to get this kind of food,” Michael played with his gumbo.

“At least it’s in a new country,” Anna said as he gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“Look over there, cutie walked in,” Gabriel said to Castiel. His eyes went up to a young woman, tall with dark brown hair and walking arm-in-arm with a man, who was shorter and his hair was brushed back. Castiel blushed and looked over to Gabriel who was staring right at the girl.

“She is pretty,” Castiel said quietly as he took a sip of ale.

“They're coming right by us, pretend I told you something funny.” 

Castiel smiled and tossed his head back and laughed. Gabriel looked at him with a twisted look. 

“He’s looking at you,” Gabriel whispered. 

“Hush,” Castiel snapped.

“Look at him, flash him a smile and turn around and look back at me. Ready?” 

Castiel nodded. He looked over his shoulder and flashed the man with green eyes a wide smile. He turned his head back to Gabriel.

“Oh no, here comes waiter...” Gabriel said. 

“Anyone want anything else? Dessert?” Nick asked as he leaned over slightly, his hands tucked behind him.

“I don’t know, is the dessert really good?” Mrs. Novak asked.

“The cheesecake is to die for,” he said. 

“Then...a cheesecake slice for all of us.”

Nick smiled and nodded and left, only to drop something from the back of his hands. Castiel watched as he walked away, and picked up the napkin that was folded. 

“What does it say?” Gabriel asked leaning over.

_ 5-457-8675 _

_ (I usually don’t do this often, but drop me a line…) _

“Dude, you gotta call him!” Gabriel piped up. 

“Who?” Mrs. Novak asked

“No one mom,” Castiel said. 

Gabriel leaned into his ear and smirked, as he whispered, “Guess green-eyes got the hint...look...he was smiling a minute ago, now he has a frown.” Castiel looked at him, and then looked at the napkin. He shoved it into his jeans pocket. He didn’t look back at the green-eyed man, and ate his cheesecake - Nick was right, it was good.

Castiel slipped on his Gwen Stefani concert shirt over his shorts. Gwen came to New York in 2005; Castiel attended the concert with his friend, Charlie. He loved Gwen Stefani and she had a great voice. Gabriel was already in bed. Castiel looked over to him, and he let out a sigh, and then he laid down and thought of Alex, Nick, and the man with green eyes. 


	5. Chapter 5

#  **Chapter 4:**

When he woke up the next morning, Castiel could hear a thin sheet of rainfall onto the roof of the house. He stretched and let out a yawn as he sat up in bed. He looked behind him. Gabriel was gone from his bed.  _ That's odd.  _ Castiel thought.  _ Gabriel is the one that I usually have to wake up.  _ He got out of bed, and went over to the closet, opening the two little doors.

“What?” he gasped. His clothes were gone. He shut the door and shook his head, he opened them again and looked down. His clothes were still gone. A piece of paper caught his eye. He reached out and grabbed it from the back of the closet and read the note:

_ Dear Little Brother, _

_ Clothes are such a silly thing! My dearest brother, check the shed outside!  _

_ ~G _

“Gabriel…” Castiel said through clenched teeth. He ripped up the note, tearing through the room in hopes of finding something to wear, but he couldn’t find his shoes, or a coat, damn Gabriel, he’d taken everything except for what he was wearing. Castiel stepped out of the room, and went down the stairs and stopped at the door. He opened the door and shut it behind him. It was freezing! 

“Cold. Cold. Cold,” Castiel whispered as he tucked his hands under his armpits. He slipped on the wet dewy grass and fell on his ass. 

“Why couldn’t Anna get married in the Caribbean,” he whispered as he got up and made his way to the shed. He could hear someone inside. Castiel grinned.  _ Yeah, Gabe. Stay where you are then I’ll toss you out into the lake.  _ Castiel reached the shed door and opened it. 

“Got you!” he yelled. 

A man, who was not Gabriel, was standing there with clippers. He was coming right for Castiel. His fist collided with the man’s jaw, and he swore. 

“Ow! Whit are ye, Bruce Lee?!” He covered his nose. Castiel arched his back away from the man and stared right at him. 

“I’m sorry I thought you were my brother...” Castiel said. The man wiped his nose and rubbed his hand on his shirt. He looked up to the man and smiled. He had green eyes.

“Awright, they ca' me Dean. Dean Winchester…” Dean said in a heavily Scottish slang accent.

“It’s okay..um..mate?” Castiel cringed at his horrible impression of Hugh Jackman. 

Dean laughed. “I speak English - plenty of it as well,” he said, his Scottish accent not dying down.

“Um..I’m Castiel,” he said lightly. 

“Can I ask ye a quaistion, where are yer breeks pal?” Dean bites his lip. 

“Breeks?” Castiel asked.

“Yes, Ye Breeks!” Dean pointed to Castiel’s bare legs. 

“Oh! You mean pants! Well, you see, my brother put them in this shed,” he pointed to the shed and said it slowly. Dean looked unamused.

“I speak English you know,” he said snappily. 

“Sorry. So did you...”

“Aye...Castiel..there richt 'ere.” 

He held out a black garbage bag, and Castiel grabbed the bag out of Dean’s hand. Castiel could feel Dean’s eyes on his necklace. He clutched his wedding rings and turned around from Dean and ran to the house. He shut the door behind him and let out a sigh, he smiled.

“Aww!” 

Castiel’s eyes widened. He turned to the living room, where Gabriel was sitting on the couch, peering over to him. 

“You! Gabriel Andrews! Took my clothes!” Castiel snapped as he started over to the couch. 

“What are you gonna do? I’m two years old then you, I’m stronger than you, and who always got you out of trouble? Me..” he said. 

“Who is he?” Castiel asked.

“Scottish guy? Gardener...dodon't you remember?” Gabriel asked.

“Here’s another question, why take my clothes?” Castiel hissed. Gabriel looked up at him, his golden irises fused with green and brown, shined in the dawn light.

“Because I’m your brother, I like to play tricks,” he said.

“You always got the name, Trickster,” Castiel said lightly and rolled his eyes, taking off his tee-shirt.

“Um, how about no,” Gabriel snapped. Castiel looked at him.

“What?” He asked.

“Taking your clothes off right here...” Gabriel said. 

Castiel didn’t say anything, he opened up the bag, and found his white dress-shirt, he looked at Gabriel who had shut his eyes. Castiel put on the shirt, slipped out of his boxers, put clean ones on and put on black pants. 

“Done?” Gabriel asked his eyes still closed.

“Done,” Castiel said and buttoned up his shirt.

“Why would you wear that? The wedding is in two months” Gabriel said. 

“I  _ know _ , I like my outfit compliments - thank you very much,” Castiel said. 

***

Breakfast wasn’t the best. Mary Winchester was nice enough to leave a box of oatmeal and scones that you had to make in a bowl and put in the oven.

“Why is there so much tea?” Michael asked as he pulled out the third box of honey nut tea. 

“Well. I like tea,” Anna said as she went over to the cabinet and took the box, Castiel coughed. Anna shot him a glare. She didn't like tea. Castiel took a spoonful of oatmeal and swallowed it. It was good if you added three tablespoons of brown sugar. 

“Castiel,” his mother called from the head of the table. 

“You were up early.  _ Both  _ of you.” She looked at Gabriel then Castiel. 

“Well…” Gabriel began. 

“We wanted to go outside,” Castiel said. Gabriel nodded and looked at his parents. 

“Yes, and look at the shed,” Gabriel said, smiling. Castiel looked at him. 

“So you...looked at the shed?” their father asked.

“No,” Castiel and Gabriel both said at the same time. Then they looked at each other. 

“We were in the shed,” Castiel said. 

“Doing what?” Amara butted in.

“Guy stuff,” Gabriel said. “Sex, drugs, girls...um...guys?” Gabriel looked at his brother. Castiel rolled his eyes. His family looked at him like they both were crazy. 

“We just spent time together, and that's all,” Castiel said. Chuck Novak, stopped eating. Castiel looked at Gabriel. If their father knew that they were lying Castiel would have to explain to them about Gabriel’s prank, then he would have to explain about Dean. He wasn't going to explain to his mom and dad how he stood half-naked in front of a really hot gardener who had tight muscles and  _ might  _ be gay.

“Okay, just don't do anything that could get you killed,” Chuck said flatly and went back to eating. 

***

“Okay, that  _ almost  _ lead to the Annual Novak Family Meeting,” Castiel said as he went into the attic room followed by Gabriel. 

“You can't tell them,” Gabriel said. 

“About Dean? Hell no.” Castiel turned around and looked at Gabriel. 

“Not that,” Gabriel said. Castiel crossed his arms across his chest. 

“Oh...That…” Castiel said he looked at his brother.

"If they find out, they’re going to be mad," Gabriel said. 

"But it's all over and done with, he's gone. Out of your life," Castiel said nodding to him.

"Yeah. He's... _ gone. _ " Gabriel said slowly and bit into his lip. 

"What?" Castiel asked. Gabriel shook his head.

"It's nothing little bro. Absolutely nothing. Don't worry, your secret's safe with me."


	6. Chapter 6

#  **Chapter 5:**

“We need to go shopping. I  _ still  _ need to get a dress,” Anna said flatly. Mrs. Novak, Amara, and Anna sat at the kitchen table. 

“Is it going to be big?” Amara asked. 

“What about you Cas? Were you stressed when you were getting married?” Anna asked.

Castiel sat with him, listening to them bicker, and eating another bowl of oatmeal. 

“Hm? Oh...um, Frank took care of pretty much everything. I just had to be there.” Castiel said. 

Anna looked at her brother. “Oh, I don’t remember Frank helping that much, except spilling that drink on you and saying something about God.” Anna looked at her fingernails that were painted a light pink color. 

“We should visit Isabelle Randall Dress Design; it has some great dresses,” Mrs. Novak said as she was typing on her phone with one finger, her eyes squinted and she looked up. Pushing up her glasses. 

“Of course! Try getting a wedding dress in a suitcase! Haha!” Anna laughed, then her eyes fell on Castiel. 

“Come with us. You always have great taste in outfits!” Anna said. “Since you don't get along with Michael that much. How about you come with us?” Castiel nodded. Yes, he liked that idea very much and would appreciate it. “Sure, let me get my wallet and I’ll be ready," he said.

Isabelle Randall Dress Design was on a long street lined with small grey homes identical to each other. Anna and his mom were giddy, going around looking at the store. Castiel smiled as he watched his sister getting ready for her big day. Just then, the bell rang and Castiel recognized the voice.

“Look, Sam. Look at all the pretty dresses!” It was that weird gardener Dean Winchester...who seemed to speak English perfectly. The sound of a squeal made him turn around. A young woman was with him. Her hair was put up in a bun and her back hunched slightly, her fingers were curled inwards. It took Castiel a moment, but he realized she had a disability. She smiled at the dresses and went to touch the fabric. 

“Hello Dean, hi Sam. Are you ready to try on a dress today, Sam? Did you find that lucky one?” Rita asked. She was the one who owned the shop. Sam smiled and shook her head. 

“No,” she said with a little bit of a slur. Castiel realized he was staring too long. His mother swatted at his arm with a magazine. 

“Show some respect, Castiel,” she snapped. He turned away and looked at the veils, away from everyone, well not everyone….

“Ayoh, Castiel right?” Dean asked. Castiel looked up and saw the man watching him. 

“Shouldn’t you be with your girlfriend or something?” Castiel asked avoiding his stare.

“That’s not my girlfriend, that’s Sam. She’s my sister…” He said. Castiel looked up at him.

“I thought you spoke Scottish or something...you sound perfectly normal…” Castiel said.

“I only do that to impress people. To show them we aren’t a bunch of stuck up bitches, like Prince Charles.”

“The one married to Princess Diana?” Castiel asked. Dean nodded. 

“Yeah, but she passed away in a car crash. Poor thing. I really did like her,” he said. Castiel barely knew anything about the royals. Alex kept up with them. Always telling him that they would go to England. Meet the Queen and those boys, William and Harry.

“Hey. What are you doing here? No one rents our place for two months.” Dean said. Looking into Castiel’s eyes.

“Um. I’m here for a wedding.” Castiel said. Dean’s face seemed to drop.

“Oh,” He said.

“No not my wedding. It’s my sister’s,” he said, pointing to his sister who was trying on her third wedding dress. 

Dean looked down at his necklace. “You married?” he asked. Castiel looked at him. 

“Um-” he began. “It’s complicated…”

Dean looked at the wedding rings, “Huh.” 

Castiel’s eyes avoided Dean’s. Just then, there was a sound of wailing. Dean turned around and Sam was hitting her head, walked in circles making a squealing noise. Dean was over there in a flash. He was trying to calm her down. She was crying. 

“I broke it. Dean. I broke the dress,” she said, sobbing. Dean was speaking to her in a soft whisper.

“It’s okay, Rita can get a new zipper,” Dean said stroking her back. Just then Anna pulled at her little brother’s arm.    
“Come on Cas.” Anna tugged at him again. “Let’s get out of here before it starts to feel like the cuckoo streets of New York,” she said. Castiel turned to her. 

“Really Anna? You see someone who is disabled and you wanna get out of the store?” he asked.

“Well - She’s causing a scene-” Anna began. Sam went off again. Crying harder and actually slapping on Dean’s back.

“Fix it! Fix it!” she cried. 

“We’ll fix it, Sammy, just don’t hit...” Dean said smoothly. Looking around his face blushing red. 

“See? That’s why I can’t ever live where you live, with some hobo or mentally retarded rapist on my heels.” Anna said snappily.

(“Anna!” Becky said. The sound of Dean’s sister freaking out made it hard to find a dress.)

Anna was angry. She whirled around and left the small room. Castiel let out a sigh and walked out of the room. Dean and his sister weren't there anymore, and he was kind of bummed out that he couldn’t speak with Dean.

***

“Tell me,” Gabriel said sitting on the bed later that evening. 

“Tell you what?” Castiel asked as he took off his headphones to his MP3 player. Gabriel dropped the book he was reading,  _ The Audacity of Hope _ by Barack Obama, a senator. Word even got around he might be running for president. Gabriel liked him, said he would do big things.

“Oh, I don’t know. How about the Gardner boy and his crazy sis?” Gabriel asked. Castiel rolled his eyes.

“His sister is Autistic; Dean also can speak perfect English,” Castiel said. 

“So you didn't get a little tent in your pants?” Gabriel asked. “The mountains didn’t rise? Or the President didn’t die and the flag is at half-staff?” Gabriel asked.

“Are you asking me if I got a boner?” Castiel asked, whirling around to face his older brother. Gabriel nodded and wagged his eyebrows. “No! Why the hell would you ask me that?” he snapped. The older brother shrugged.

“Your asshole didn’t tingle?”

“Shut up!” Castiel said, tossing a pillow at him. It hit Gabriel and exploded. Feathers flying everywhere.

“Oh look at what your hard-ass face did-” Castiel began, only to have a pillow tossed into his face. In a matter of minutes, a pillow fight started. Both of the brothers were on the floor, jumping to the bed. Castiel hit the floor and went to raise the pillow when there was a loud sound of a crack. Castiel looked down. 

_ Crack.  _

_ Oh no! _ He thought. He fell through the old wooden floor and into the bathroom beneath their room. He hit the floor hard on his back, the six-foot drop broken by the floorboards. 

Anna was screaming. He was screaming because he saw way more of his big sister than  _ he  _ ever wanted to see. Michael was coming in stark naked, too. He was yelling, trying to grab a towel. Anna was kicking Castiel’s back. He was  _ trying  _ to move! Michael slipped on the wet floor and fell  _ onto  _ Castiel. He felt a stinging pain in his left wrist.

“Oh god! My fucking wrist! I think - oh fuck, I think I broke my fucking wrist!” he cried. 

His parents came rushing in. His father stumbled out the door as Anna screamed at him, ripping at the shower curtain, trying to cover herself. Everything hurt. God, this was the worst fucking trip ever. 

***

"Well, ye got a broken floor thon's whit A can say" John Winchester spoke in that Scots accent the next day as he looked at the hole. Dean was standing there with his tool belt around his waist. He had on a tan shirt with possibly too-tight pants. Castiel’s left hand was in a brace. His wrist wasn’t broken, but with Gabriel being a registered nurse, he knew it was just a small sprain. It needed a brace for at least eight weeks. He’d be in the damn thing for the rest of the trip “Will ye be okay?” Dean asked Castiel. He looked at the man, rubbing his wrist. 

“My brother is a nurse; he said I’ll be okay," he said softly. “Sorry about the hole.”

Dean shook his head. “Just some plaster, wood, and nails - it should be fixed by tonight.”

“Well, that's good,” Chuck Novak said as he looked at his wallet. “Will my son’s stupidity cost us anything?” he asked, glaring at Gabriel who bowed his head. Even though it was  _ Cas’s _ idea to start a pillow fight. It was Gabriel who was yelled at by Chuck. Even told him he had to pay for the damage that was done. 

“Oh na, he dosenae have tae pay. Aw costs on us.” John said shaking his head. Chuck shook his head. 

“Oh no, we insist. Gabriel...come here” Chuck said. 

“Charles...we talked about this-” Becky began. Chuck snapped his fingers. Gabriel walked over to his father.

“Three-fifty,” John said softly. This was awkward. Gabriel didn’t want to give the money. He was broke without his job and hadn’t even told his parents. He pulled out the money and handed it to his father.

“Thank you, son,” Chuck said, and he handed the money to John who took it and looked at Dean.

“Let’s get to work!” Dean said. 

Lunch was quiet. The family had to go to the store to get some type of food in the house. Gabriel was staring at his plate; he had never been this quiet. Castiel looked at the mashed turnips in the plastic container sitting on the table. 

“I’m surprised your work let you off, they had you working very hard for the past few years. You couldn’t even get the cruise trip off for a week. You get promoted?” Chuck asked Gabriel.

“Oh, you know...they felt bad...” Gabriel said lightly.

_ Oh brother, why haven’t you told them?  _ Castiel thought as he rolled his eyes. Remembering the time he left his coat in the closet. It felt like a crappy lifetime movie. Having to hide in the closet while he had to listen to the horrible sounds of his brother being fucked by his boss and head nurse, Asmodeus Parise. Gabriel knew Castiel was there after the horrible deed was done. As if that weren’t enough, the little lifetime movie turned darker. So much darker. Asmodeus started to hurt Gabriel. 

Castiel started to see bruises on his brother’s arms. He told him that he had to tell someone. But Gabriel wouldn’t. It wasn’t until Gabriel couldn’t pay for his apartment, that Castiel got a call in the middle of the night. He answered it was his brother’s broken voice. Begging him to help. Then the sound of a door being kicked down and the sound of screaming. That was the last straw. 

He drove to his brother’s apartment. People were coming out of their homes because of the screams. Someone called the police. It took four bystanders to get Asmodeus off Gabriel who was bruised up, his mouth in stitches. The scars on his lower lip still showed. Gabriel had to resign from his job. Gabriel begged him to tears not to tell their parents. Gabriel blamed himself for getting into that situation. So, Castiel kept his promise. He wouldn’t tell anyone. 

“Huh. Interesting. Guess our economy is getting better,” Chuck said eating the last bite of his dish.

“Yeah,” Gabriel whispered.


	7. Chapter 7

#  **Chapter 6:**

Castiel laid on the bed that night. The hole in the floor was fixed, but he’d be careful not to go and stand over the patch. He rolled onto his back and realized he couldn’t sleep. Gabriel, on the other hand, was snoring soundly. Cas sat up; he needed music. He went to his small closet and opened the doors. Both of the brothers’ suitcases had been moved there after the floor caved in. As Castiel sighed and went to go and grab his MP3 player, something caught his eye. An orange envelope. He looked back at his sleeping brother. Castiel checked his mailbox before going on the trip. So it wasn’t his. He pulled out the orange envelope. The front of the envelope read:  ** _Gabriel Novak P.O. Box _ ** ** _243._ **

Castiel knew it was wrong to snoop, but why would anyone be sending mail to Gabriel’s old apartment? There was a huge investigation after the whole Asmodeus thing. Hell, Asmodeus was  _ bailed out of jail _ by an anonymous person. He opened up the flap and pulled out a couple hundred dollar bills. He then found photos that  _ _ Kentucky-Fried-Asshole. There were notes on the back: 

_ Thank you for the bail money, Gabbie. I can’t wait to see you again. I swear, I’m better.  _

He found another one, the bedding looked familiar. It was his brother, shirtless looking like he just had -  _ had sex in his own damn bed.  _ He flipped it over and read the back. He was sick to his stomach. 

_ Remember this? Looked so much your brother. We invite him next time? _

He turned around and faced his sleeping brother. There was one last photo, he was scared to look at it, but he slid it aside and stared at it in disbelief. It was black and white. Gabriel’s face was turned away from the camera. From the light of the photo, he could see bruises that lined his brother’s back and up along his neck. The letter  _ A _ was on his back like it had been burned into his skin. Castiel turned over the photo:

_ I own you. I broke you, boy. You think you can hide with your little gay brother? You think leaving the damn country will stop me from taking you? You are wrong, Gabriel. I will take everything you love dearly. I took your job. I took your home. I took your money. I will take away your brother. I will make your life a living hell. You come back to me. Or I’ll find you, and I’ll punish you severely. _

_ -Asmodeus.  _

“Just what the fuck are you doing?” 

Castiel startled. Gabriel was sitting up in bed, his golden eyes peering at his little brother.

“Did you bail him out? Did you?” Castiel asked in a low whisper. Gabriel was now on Castiel’s bed, reaching out to grab the photos.

“Give it to me.”

“Gabriel. If you don’t tell me, I’m going to wake up mom and dad and tell them. Did you bail him out of jail?” He asked sternly. 

Gabriel bowed his head. 

“Yes. A few days later. I did it because well, I wanted to find love. I didn’t want to be alone. I wanted to be happy like you and-” Gabriel began.

“Don’t. Do  _ not  _ say his name. You do not have the right. You lied to me. You had sex with that asshole in my  _ own  _ bed. How  _ dare _ you!” Castiel said.

“I cut ties with him after that. Or at least tried to...I got that letter just before we came here…” Gabriel said.

“We have to go to the police,” Castiel said.

“No, please. We can’t. Castiel, please...” Gabriel begged. 

“Why is that?” Castiel asked.

“You know what dad will do, he’ll force me to live with him and mom. I just can’t live with them. You know how dad acts. You really do. Please, I can’t. He’ll make me the one who did that  _ thing _ that embarrassed the family. Please, I'm  _ begging  _ you brother. Please!” He was crying now. Castiel looked at the photos. Then his brother, who was sobbing now. He slid the photos and money back in. He held the envelope in his hands and tucked it in his own suitcase. Underneath everything else.

“You have to promise me that when we get back you get a restraining order on that-” He was cut off by his brother hugging him tightly. 

“Oh, thank-you. Thank you!” he whispered kissing his cheeks. Castiel looked at his brother. 

“Can we get some sleep now?” Castiel asked. Gabriel nodded, as he went back to his bed, Castiel watched him for a moment. Then, he let out a sigh as he climbed into his own bed. 

_ What a hellish day. Please dear God help my brother. Amen. _

***

Castiel was outside. It was a Wednesday and it was hotter than hell outside. So he took this time to take a day out in the sun. His skin needed it. Sunglasses and some lemonade made by Mary felt good. Then his sun was blocked.

“Gabriel. Go suck a damn cock, get out of my fucking sun,” he said, so annoyed he didn’t even bother opening open his eyes. 

“I don’t suck cock. Ye see the girl does that,” Dean Winchester said, staring down at him.

“Oh my god. I mean-hi--I mean - what are you doing here?” Castiel asked, sitting upwards now on the dock.

“Oh, well. I don’t really know. Maybe I work here?” Dean asked. Castiel smirked and put his sunglasses back on and laid back down on the towel.

“You're a feisty one aren’t you?” Dean said, placing his hands on his hips. Castiel opened one eye.  _ Goddamn bowlegs. How the fuck can he walk? Oh god, that bulge. I bet it’s like, big as fucking Big Ben- _

“And you seem to like guys? Am I wrong? Or is little Cassie thinking I am the difference sex? No?” Dean asked smirking widely.

Castiel sat up again, covering himself and blushing. “Oh-” he began.

“You wanna do a quickie in the shed? I’ve never fucked an American. Let alone an American man,” Dean said.

“What the fuck? No!” Castiel said growling at him. Dean’s smile dropped. 

“Well jeez. The TV is right with you. You are fucking nuts. I hope to god William or Harry don’t marry any of you Americans…” he said as he turned around and started to walk away. “Oh and by the way. That deck...it’s rotting. You might get hives...” With that, he walked away. 

***

The week flew by fast. Castiel actually liked it here. It was calm and peaceful. It was a Friday night when he got a text on his phone from the waiter, Nick. Castiel had texted him when he gave him the number on the napkin when they first got here. 

_ I know a great place to eat. If you would like me to pick you up? _

Castiel smiled and replied within a few minutes.

_ That would be wonderful. Let me give you the address… _

Castiel typed in the address to the home. All of his family was outside, had a fire lit and was enjoying the lakeside view. He was the only one who declined the offer. Michael seemed to appreciate him staying away.

Castiel dressed in a nice button-down white shirt, with black pants and a gold watch he got as a wedding gift from his Great-Grandfather Jared, who really didn’t know how to stay quiet at a wedding and kept scaring the kids. He looked in the mirror and eyed his necklace, he had taken it off on several occasions, but this would be the first time he went on a date. Yes, he had a few one night stands where he wouldn’t wear it. But this felt different. Felt odd. He took it off and opened the box where he put it at night. He slipped it in and shut the box. 

“I’ll see you soon, Alex. I’ll tell you all about it, love.” 

With that, he walked out of the room and down the stairs. He was outside when he walked the long dirt path to a truck that was quietly running without its headlights on, the window rolled down, and there was Nick. Blond hair, scruff, and blue eyes.

“Castiel?” he asked in a tone that sounded like he was talking through a tube. Castiel nodded and shifted from foot to foot. 

“Uh, that’s me..," he said with an almost squeak in his voice.

Nick smiled and frowned. “Then, get in,” he said. 

Once he was in the truck, Nick sped off. Castiel fumbled to get his seatbelt on. After about ten minutes, and Castiel realized they were  _ far  _ from town. 

“So, how far is this place?” Castiel asked. Nick didn’t answer. He kept on driving until Castiel couldn’t see any more city lights, in fact, they were in the middle of nowhere. Nick pulled over and turned off the truck. He got out and lowered his flatbed. Castiel looked in the back window to see him pulling out wine and bread and a basket. He let out a sigh of relief. At least he wasn’t going to murder him.

“Come on out, Castiel,” Nick called from the back. Castiel took in a deep breath and stepped out of the truck and instantly sunk in the mud. 

“Oh. Not the shoes,” Castiel said. Nick came over to him and smiled. 

“Here let me help..," he said. Castiel shook his head. 

“No, I got it. Stupid,” he tugged at the shoe, “mud.” 

He pulled and his shoe was free, but Castiel was losing his balance and fell directly onto Nick. “Oh god, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean-” Castiel began. Nick smiled, as he helped him up. 

Once on the bed of the truck, Nick gave him a glass of wine. 

“Oh, I don’t drink white wine…” Castiel said. Nick frowned and smiled.

“Aw, please? Don’t make me go and get red wine, try this...please” he insisted. Castiel took it and smelled it. It had a strong reek of berries, mixed with something. He took a sip before Nick pushed the glass upward and Castiel was forced to swallow it.

“What the hell?” he sputtered when the wine was gone. He looked at Nick, clearly pissed. 

“Get some napkins. There in the basket,” he said. Castiel got down from the truck bed and got the basket on the ground. Once he opened it, he froze. 

Rope. Blindfold. A gag. He felt lightheaded. He tried to stand up, but he felt hands on waist. He squirmed. His world was spinning. He tried to yell, but no sound came out. He found himself on the bed of the truck. Nick was on top of him.

“I’m surprised you drank it all,” he sneered, stroking his cheek. Castiel hit him on the arms.

“Let...go...” he said. Nick started to kiss him. Castiel was frozen. His mind screamed out curses. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw lights. He felt like Rose from Titanic, where she saw the light of the lifeboats. 

“Help…” he whispered hoarsely. Nick was starting to unbutton his shirt. Then his pants.  _ Oh dear god, what did I do to deserve this? Please, God. Please, God. Help me. Help me. _ He thought. Nick’s fingers hooked the waistband of his underwear and started to pull them down his hips.

Just then, a loud sound of a horn scared both of them. Nick jumped five feet while Castiel tried to do the same, but only managed it in his head.

“Hey, have you two seen my sister? She ran off.” There was a sound of a familiar voice, but Castiel couldn’t place it. 

“We haven’t seen anyone…” Nick said sternly. Castiel used every inch of his limp body to move his arm above his head. 

“Well...alright then...” The man said. He heard the sound of crunching gravel. Castiel looked up to see his shadow reflecting. He started to sign. It was risky, not a lot of people knew sign language. 

_ H-E-L-P _

He signed it twice. He was shaking. Then, Nick was off of him. Castiel was trying to move or at least roll off the bed of the truck. He could hear voices mumbling near the front of the truck, some came in loud some came in softer and he couldn’t make them out. His eyes were bulging out of his head, everything hurt. Finally, he saw someone coming over to him, headlights outlined a body in stark contrast.

“No,” he mumbled, trying to push the hands away, but he was just so  _ tired.  _

Now the drug was really kicking in. He was lead to the front seat of a car. Once he was placed there, he felt someone buckle him up and the door slam shut. He tried to fumble to open it but he couldn’t find the handle. A tap on his shoulder made him turn around to see a freckled-faced woman with semi-yellow teeth and long hair that was curly. She was laughing, clapping her hands and tapping the person who was driving on the shoulder. Everything hurt. 

The drive felt long, very long, but eventually, he found himself in the driveway of the rental home. The fire was out. The lights were on inside, and he could see silhouettes of his family through the windows. Castiel shook his head, he wasn’t going in there. The person was unbuckling his seatbelt. He could hear voices coming in and out of his head.

_ “Oh my god! Where have you been?!”  _

_ “Do you know what time it is?” _

_ “Jesus Christ, He’s been drugged!” _

Castiel was placed at the kitchen table. He could make out their hair and eyes. Someone was talking that wasn’t his family. He squinted hard to see who it was. But his brain wasn’t letting him. Then more voices came in.

_ “This is gone too far! Too far, you hear me, Castiel James? Do you?”  _

_ Stop. _

_ “Charles, the boy said he got roofied!”  _

_ Stop. _

_ “Well, that wouldn’t have happened if he stayed here and tried to be part of this goddamn family.”  _

_ Stop it. _

_ “Charles, I said stop it.” _

_ “He’s acting like a damn child!” _

_ Stop it.  _ Castiel was groaning now. He felt someone pressing a cool rag to his forehead. His father was in his face. He felt his arms being grabbed and he was being shaken.

_ “Do you understand the stress we have to go through with you? Do you?”  _

He was shouting and Castiel. Castiel felt his lunch in his throat. He couldn’t help it, he puked what was left over from what they ate that afternoon onto his lap and onto his father’s pants. Then, he felt the stinging pain of being hit on the side of the face. His mother was screaming and someone was touching his arm. God, everything hurt like hell. Maybe he deserved it.


	8. Chapter 8

#  **Chapter 7:**

Gabriel said the drug would take 48 hours to leave his body. He gave him a bath and helped him into bed. Castiel slept through the next day and into the late afternoon. When he woke up and made his way downstairs, he stopped at the entrance of the kitchen. Dean Winchester was sitting there with a cup of coffee in his hand and his baseball cap on backward.

“Hey. Wanted to see if you’re okay...” he said smiling. Castiel was only in shorts and a long tee, he felt naked. 

“Oh...Well I mean...I’m fine...um...why are you here; did something break?” he asked. Dean smiled and shook his head.

“No, your red-headed sister and family went out to go sightseeing. Thought it was best you stay here since you were so tired…” the man said. Out of the corner of Castiel’s eye, he could see someone outside running around. Dean saw this of course and smiled.

“Mind if my sister plays? She likes catching the grasshoppers and throwing them like a baseball into the lake..," he explained, pointing out the window.

“Oh yeah...I mean they aren’t my grasshoppers...” Castiel trailed off as he went to the cabinet, got a mug for himself, and poured some dark coffee in the cup. 

“Where are you from?” Dean asked. 

“Oh. Me? I’m from New York. But I grew up in San Francisco.” Castiel said as he put some creamer in his coffee and started to stir it.

“San...Fran..cisco?” Dean asked confused. Castiel smiled at him and started to drink his coffee.

“San Francisco,” he said slowly, and watched Dean muddle around his mind for a moment, then he looked at him.

“Yeh wanna go somewhere? I wanna show you something. It’s cool,” he said. Castiel looked at him. 

“What?” he asked. Dean smiled.

“I got a cool place. I want you to come.”

***

Dunnottar Castle was a good thirty-five minutes away from Aberdeen. Dean had a nice old car, a ‘67 Chevy Impala, black four-door hardtop. Sam stuck her head out of the window and howled at the afternoon sun like a wolf. Castiel looked at her in the side mirror, her long brown curls tangled in her face and it looked like she put on makeup blindly. 

“She has Autism, and can’t live alone. She’s only twenty-two years old,” Dean said as he watched her for a second and then at the road.

“How about you?” Dean asked after it got quiet. Castiel looked at Dean. 

“I’m not autistic…” he said. Dean rolled his eyes. 

“Nae...Your _ age," he _ said. Castiel let out an  _ oh _ and bit into his lip.

“I’m thirty-one,” Castiel said, looking back at the side mirror to Sam.

“Thirty-one?!” Dean said looking at Castiel. 

“Um, yes,” he said, glancing at the road.

“No way, you look like your twenty!” he said still staring at him.

“Uh...What about the road?” Castiel said pointing at the strip of land ahead of them. 

“I’m gonna tell mama!” Sam chanted from the back of the seat. Dean looked at the road and into the rearview mirror. 

“No. You won’t,” Dean said. Sam laughed and hopped up and down on the seat. 

“We’ll be there in like, ten minutes,” he said as he looked back to Castiel.

“So, what is your story, my friend?” Dean asked. 

“My story?” Castiel asked laughing. “You wanna hear  _ my  _ story?” He asked looking at the younger man who seemed to enjoy the moment.

“American’s have interesting lives. Or so they say,” he said.

“Well, I was born in 1975. In California, San Francisco. I was the youngest out of my older brother, Balthazar my middle sister, Anna, and my brother who was only two when I was born,” he said. 

“How did you know sign language?” Castiel asked. “From the other night..”

“Sam was mute. Up to age ten, we used American Sign Language, since my mother didn’t want to confuse her, and also anyone with a brain would take that situation thinking. ‘Aye, I should help that fella’” He said and looked at Castiel. “Continue your story..” 

“I lived there until my brother, Gabriel and I got scholarships and moved to New York. He went to medical school and I studied American Sign Language. That was in 1994. I was nineteen at the time and I was trying to finish up classes and courses and then I met--my--husband...Alexander...” he said lightly.

“Oh, so you're married?” Dean asked. Castiel blushed darkly, what was Dean thinking?  _ Oh my god, I got a married guy in my car.  _

“Um not anymore..” Castiel said quickly.

“ _ Oh, _ ” Dean said biting into his lip. 

“It wasn’t divorce. No, you see he passed away in a--skiing accident.” Castiel lied. But Castiel didn’t want to lie. Nor did he want to tell Dean the tragic backstory. 

“Didn’t know you had mountains in New York, I thought just you know big buildings,” Dean said.

“Oh he lived in Salt Lake City, Utah,” Castiel said.

“The LDS state?” Dean asked.

“Um, Yes. Alex and I visited their once, while we were dating. His family was very open to--well us.” He said looking at his hands. He remembered the funeral. The thousands of people that came before him in the room. There was no body. Some people were lucky to find a shoe or phone or even a ring. But there was no body. It would have been crushed anyway by the tons and tons of debris that fell. But he didn’t even know what floor Alex was on. There was nothing left. 

“Hey, where here!” Dean said suddenly. Sam let out a squeal as she bounced up and down again.

The trio got out and parked and paid to get in. There wasn’t a lot of people here at the moment so it was quite peaceful.

Dunnottar Castle was on a cliff’s edge. The waves crashed below. It was cold, and Castiel wished he brought a jacket. The wind blew hard and Castiel wanted to get into the Castle as fast as he could. Then he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“You okay?” Dean asked. Castiel smiled and nodded.

“A bit cold ," he said placing his hands under his armpits. Sam was jumping around on the stones, far ahead of Dean and Castiel and they could hear her squeals as she pranced around the long walkways.

“What about you? What is your story?”

“Me? I was born here. Ye see? I learned English as my mum and father taught me. When I was just four years my sister was born. My parents own that house your stayin’ in ," he said. “I met Lisa. She worked in the grocery store.” Dean said. “But...she well...couldn’t be with me,” Dean said as he stuck his hands in his pockets. “Because I am...Well, aye, I like men ," he said softly.

“You’re gay?” Castiel asked.

“Aye. But what’s the one where you like girls and guys?”

“Oh, bisexual,” Castiel said looking at the man who seemed to avoid eye contact. 

“Yeah, that…” he said. They both were quiet. Sam’s voice rang through the castle grounds. Castiel was going to say something else but Sam interrupted them. “Dean! Dean!” she cried. “Did you hear me?” she asked again. Her hands were curled up in tight fists as she gripped onto her brother’s jacket.

“I sure did ," he said softly and kissed her on the forehead. She squealed and jumped up and down. “Are you his boyfriend?” she asked, looking at Castiel.

“What?” Both Dean and Cas spoke at the same time. They looked at each other. Castiel blushed and looked away.

“No, Sam. We aren’t, um...together...” Dean said. Sam squinted her eyes at him. Puffing out her lip like a child.

“I like him,” she said confidently. Castiel smiled at her and was suddenly filled with an intense longing. He wanted kids. He wanted kids so badly and he couldn’t stop to think about the problems that would have happened. How a young child would be made fun of at school for having two dads? He began to shake.

“Hey Cas, you okay?” Dean asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. Castiel flinched. 

“I need to go home,” He said softly. 

“Why does he need to go home?” Sam asked, fiddling with her fingers, locking them and unlocking them.

“Um...How about we get you back to the car,” Dean said as he put his hand on Castiel’s back and lead him to the car. Sam followed behind them, skipping. They got in the car and a few minutes down the road he got a text from his brother.

_ Where are you? Mom is flipping balls. _

Castiel sighed as he went to text him back. The ride back home was shorter than expected. Dean pulled up to the driveway. Castiel got out and waved goodbye to them and walked in the front door. 

Mrs. Novak smiled. “I’m sorry dear, but you were sound asleep and we didn’t want to wake you.” Cas nodded and shook his head.

“No mom. You're okay. It was a good...Um, I went to Dunnottar Castle with, uh, Dean ," he said as he grabbed himself a sandwich from the table and began to eat it. It was mostly sliced meat with a little bit of lettuce so they must have got it from somewhere else.

“Dean?” his father asked. Castiel took a sip of water and nodded.

“Yeah, he showed me around ," he said as he smiled at his father. Chuck nodded and looked at his son then went into the living room to read. Becky smiled at her son. “Was it nice?” she asked. Castiel smiled. 

“Yeah. I liked it a lot.”


	9. Chapter 9

#  **Chapter 8:**

_ Tap. Tap.  _

That’s what Castiel heard in the middle of the night as he looked at the ceiling he rolled over to look at the clock. 

_ 12:35 a.m. _ . 

Castiel sighed as he rolled off the bed quietly and peeked out the window. There was a figure outside on the lawn, and when Castiel saw the moonlight hit him, he smiled lightly. It was Dean, standing there chucking rocks at his window like he was some teenager. Castiel smiled and got dressed, trying not to wake his family as he snuck outside dressed in a sweater and jeans. He smiled and gave a small wave. Dean smirked. 

“You wanna hang out?” he asked. “Look at the stars?” 

Castiel squinted at him. “What?” he asked his voice a bare whisper. 

“Well…” Dean said as he walked to his car. “ I figure, you got dressed. You could have just gone to sleep and not answered my rock calling ," he said as he turned to Castiel. “So are you gonna come or not?” Castiel followed him. 

***

The sky was beautiful. Castiel could not hold in his awe. Dean smiled as he parked the car near the edge of the cliff, possibly the same one that he went to where the castle was but it seemed too far away. 

“I saw here on Facebook you like the sky,” Dean said. Castiel looked at him.

“My Facebook?” he asked.

“My mum likes to look at it for customers, to see if they really are who they say they are,” Dean said looking up at the sky. Dean climbed up the hood of the car to her roof and sat down. He looked down at Castiel. “Well, get up here, California boy ," he said as he held out his hand. Castiel took it and got on top of the car roof and sat back for a moment.

“Wow. I’ve rarely seen the Milky Way ,"  he said as he watched the vast stretch of thousands of stars. The ghostly outline traveled up above the sky, stretching out like a hand. Just then, he saw a flash of green and yellow light. “Wow, that hasn’t happened before,” Dean said.

“What? What is it?” Castiel asked.

“ _ Aurora Borealis, _ ” Dean said. “Or the Northern Lights for your American terms,” he said.

Castiel glared at him and rolled his eyes as he looked up at the beautiful light show. After about ten minutes of the dancing stars and beautiful sky, the lights went dark and they were once again in the dimly moonlit sky. Dean turned to Castiel. “It was beautiful, wasn't it?” He asked Castiel smiled.

Dean started to lean into Castiel and he put his finger up to stop Dean’s lips from touching his. “No. I’m sorry, but I can’t ," he said.

“Afraid?” 

“In some ways yes,” Castiel said softly looking at Dean. Dean looked at him.

“Tell me more about you.” He said flatly.

“Huh?”

“I want to know more about the American boy,” Dean said smirking.

Castiel let out a sigh and shook his head. “ It’s not a great place to grow up; San Francisco in the 70s and 80s, you wanna know the shit I saw? My mom could even take us out on a park walk because there where people smoking up. I grew up on a downhill street where we couldn’t put our cup on the table, or it would slip off. New York wasn’t better. I had to hear cars honking every night. Even in my first months of being married, I could hear the other couples above us getting it on. Do you  _ know  _ how  _ unsexy  _ that makes the moment feel?” He asked. 

Dean shrugged. “Honestly, I thought you Americans had it all. Thought you guys had  _ everything.” _

Castiel looked at Dean. “What made you think that?” 

“Stories, books I’ve read..” Dean said. “Is it accepted over there?”

“What? Reading?” Castiel asked smiling.

“No, being... _ gay. _ ” He said. 

Castiel looked down at his hands.  _ No, it still isn’t accepted.  _

“In a way…” Castiel said as he looked at the sky and then looked at his watch. “We should go, I need some sleep.” He said.

That was the conversation. They got into the car and Dean drove them home. The Impala sat there a few feet away from the house, a light hum coming from the engine. Castiel turned to Dean.

“It was very polite of you to do that, Dean but I don’t think it would be wise for us to see each other again-” Castiel started. Then he paused, remembering something from the meetings he would attend to for people who had lost someone. 

“Wanna do it again?” Dean asked smirking.

“You know, why the hell not?” Castiel asked.  _ It’s like I’m not going to see him after the wedding!  _ he thought. 

“So you’d like to go out again? Even if I was being kinda rude?” Dean asked.

“Kinda?” Castiel asked raising a brow. “You just where being racist about my  _ country _ _ ," he _ said placing his hand on the handle of the Impala to open the door when Dean turned to him and touched his shoulder.

“I really didn’t mean it. I am kind of bad at feelings. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I am sorry. I’ll be better. I really, truly will ," he said. Castiel looked at him for a while, for a long time and opened his mouth, then shut it and then licked his lips.

“Friday ," he said.

“Huh?” Dean asked.

“Friday. We do the same thing on Friday. Pick me up at 9:30 pm. Wear something nice and take me to a good place that has good food. Nothing American, please. I mean, I could go and get some McDonalds in New York. So pick me up on Friday,” Castiel said as he got out of the car.

“But it’s Saturday!” Dean called out. Castiel was walking back to the house and turned around. 

“Yeah ," he said as he was now walking backward watching Dean. “Pick me up on Friday.” With that, he turned around and walked up to the door and opened it and shut the door and locked it behind him. He smiled lightly to himself. 

Suddenly, he heard a cough from the living room. He froze and turned around and saw the light flick on near an armchair, and there was Michael, sitting with one leg over the other, glaring at him.

“Where have you been?” he asked. 

Castiel rolled his eyes. “You’re not my father.” 

Michael sat back in the chair and put his hand on his chin and thought for a moment. 

“Yeah, but how disappointed would he be if he found out you were fooling around with the gardener?” He asked.

“I’m not fool-” Castiel began but Michael held up his hand.

“Ah, no. You are here for  _ my  _ wedding. I’d hate to see your brother’s dirty little secret come out ," he said as he waved his hand around like he was wiping smoke out of the air.

“There is no-” Castiel began. 

“You don’t hide stuff well. After  _ I  _ had to get you in bed after that roofie, I saw a little folder. I didn’t know your brother swung that way. I thought you were the only fruit in this family ," he said, rolling his eyes.

“You can’t do this,” Castiel said angrily. 

“Oh, but I just did. You shape up and stop ruining my fiancé’wedding plans. I won’t speak of your brother’s little fudge-packer lifestyle.”

Castiel turned on his heel and left the room, afraid that he was going to punch Micahel in the face. He ran up the stairs and went to the attic where he dug through his suitcase. There was the envelope, he checked and everything was there. He let out a sigh of defeat and sat on his bed and he didn’t even take off his clothes. He just slept. Could this trip get any worse? 


	10. Chapter 10

#  **Chapter**** 9:**

Sunday morning it was raining. Castiel kept looking at Michael the entire time as he ate his scones and oatmeal. He was nervous as hell.  _ Would Michael say it now? _ he wondered. Becky Novak thought this would be a great time to sit in the living room and watch the Novak Tapes _ .  _

“Oh my god, mom brought the tapes?” Anna groaned. 

Becky pulled out four tapes from a bag as she came down the stairs. The television in the room was a small flat screen and had a VHS player. Mrs. Novak put in the first one as the family gathered to sit down in the living room. Michael took the armchair for the night before and Castiel’s stomach churned. The screen turned on to a much younger version, very pregnant version of their mother was revealed. She smiled as Mr. Novak kept recording. After a brief conversation, the film skipped, showing a four-or-five-year-old Anna in the bathtub; she was giggling and Balthazar was just around two or three weeks old. The tapes were switched and played on, showing living room plays and the kids’ birthdays. Then, Mrs. Novak being pregnant with Gabriel. No less than a year after he was born, she was pregnant once again with Castiel. 

“Damn I looked pretty hot as a baby,” Gabriel said as he elbowed Castiel in the side. 

The film skipped to the title floor where Gabriel, around two or three, was in the laundry room. 

Becky asked from behind the camera, a smile in her voice,  _ ‘Where is your brother?’ _

_ ‘Cassie?’ _

_ ‘Yes. Where is he?’ _

_ ‘In there.’ Gabriel pointed to the large machine next to him.  _

_ ‘You put your baby brother in the washer?!’ _

_ ‘Yes.’ _

_ ‘Why?!’ _

_ ‘Because he’s dirty.’ Gabriel beamed up at the camera with chubby cheeks.  _

That made everyone laugh. Neither Castiel nor Gabriel had any memory of that. They watched as Becky lifted the camera to reveal Castiel in the washing machine, happily playing with few towels and socks already in the drum. 

The next series of videos showed them all growing up. Then, the next tape was put in. Castiel knew this video.  _ He knew. _ Castiel was smiling happily as he looked into the camera. He was dressed nicely and his hair slicked back. 

_ “Wedding night? Eh?”  _

_ It was Balthazar’s voice behind the camera. Castiel looked at the camera with a sense of humor.  _

_ “Quit giving me that look,” Castiel said with a smirk on his face. Alex was there, he had his arms wrapped around his waist and he was whispering into his ear.  _

The video cut out and then showed another group of people at Alex’s twenty-fourth birthday party. Castiel was happily holding Alex’s nephew. 

Then it hit him. Every ounce of emotion hit him like a train. Castiel had forced himself to forget about that day, and suddenly it was all coming back to him. Luckily, the video cut to family Thanksgiving and Christmas that Alex and Castiel couldn’t attend. Castiel’s mind whirled in vicious circles, replaying his own memories long forgotten. 

_ “They don’t accept people like us.” _

_ “I accepted you!”  _

_ “Cas.” _

_ “Cas…” _

_ “Cas?” _

“Castiel?” a voice came through to him and he sat up, alert. It was Gabriel who had a hand on Cas’s shoulder. “Are you okay? You’re really quiet.” They were back in the attic bedroom and alone while everyone was getting ready for dinner. He had no idea how he’d gotten upstairs, or where the last several hours went. 

Castiel shook his head. “Do you know why Alex died?” he asked his brother.

“Um. Well, he...died...when...” Gabriel stopped for a moment and then he looked at his brother.

“Gabriel, I killed him. He wasn’t supposed to work that day. He wasn’t supposed to go to work. But we got into a fight. I wanted kids and he didn’t, and we just screamed - like really screamed at each other for the first time. So, he went to the office to go and work the next day and…” Castiel said as he put his hands in his face. 

“You didn’t know that would happen,” Gabriel whispered to Castiel. “You didn’t know…” 

“I was selfish!” Castiel said angrily, sadness mixing into his voice. “I asked for something, I knew he wasn’t ready for. You know what? He was afraid of rejection, of the stigma. Afraid of the shame that it brought. Hell, he could barely hold hands with me in public. We rarely kissed in public and God after he died...I felt like I had some damn part in that.” Castiel said.

“You’re  _ not  _ selfish. You are Castiel James Novak who made a wrong assumption, but we’re here. Now breath little bro, the past is in the past and yeah, it’s painful. But you need to learn how to heal,” Gabriel said as he held his brother by both shoulders so he could look at him directly.

“What would I do without you?” Castiel asked smiling.

“Probably be the lamest person,” Gabriel said, smirking. There was a knowledge of what they’ve been through, understanding.

“Hey,” came a new voice. It was Michael who was standing there awkwardly. “Dinner is ready. Uh, the Winchesters are inviting us over," he said and walked away. 

“What a creep,” Gabriel said. He looked at his brother and opened up his suitcase. “Shall we dress our finest?” he asked in a fake horrible British accent. Castiel let out a laugh.

“Why of course, my dear brother," he said in his own impression of the British. Both brothers laughed and it felt good for once.

***

When the family entered the Winchester home, they were quickly greeted by Sam. 

“Hi! My name is Samantha, but I go by Sam or Sammy. But my brother calls me that, he can only call me that. Would you like to see my rocks?” she asked her big brown eyes wide. 

“Samantha! I told ye to behave!” Mary said shaking a spoon at her. “They don’t wanna see ye rock collection darling.”

“I got a rock collection,” Gabriel said smiling. He looked up at Samantha, who was really tall. “You don’t have a rock- _ oof _ !” Castiel was hit hard in the ribs. 

“Can I show him my rock collection mom? Can I? Can I?” she asked.

Mary gave in. “Fine, but dinner is ready in ten minutes!” she called out as Sam took Gabriel’s hand and dragged him up the stairs to her room.

Mary wiped her hands on the towel. “I’m sorry about her, she gets excited when she sees guests. Drinks?” she asked as she popped open a bottle of whiskey. “My husband and son are out cooking the haggis.” She said.

“Haggis?” Michael asked his nose wrinkling a bit. 

“Aye, it’s the best Scottish food, it’s what we are known for ye know?” she asked as she took out some mashed potatoes from the oven.

Once everyone was sitting down, Gabriel and Sam sitting closely and talking about the rocks, the haggis put on a plate and Castiel though it looked like rice. Once Castiel took a bite of it, the flavor of the sheep’s heart and lungs burst over his palette. It was  _ good.  _ He rarely tried different food. The rest of the family was equally surprised and delighted in the entire meal. 

Dean watched Castiel throughout dinner, their eyes meeting over the table. 

Finally, after a few drinks and something called Tablet, a fudgy confection Mary made from honey, chocolate, and buttered sugar. The Winchesters offered to do the catering for Anna’s wedding. On their way out, Mary gave Anna a card for a local dressmaker specializing in vintage wedding gowns. As they were leaving Dean eyed Castiel and winked at him like he was an old friend. Castiel couldn’t help but roll his eyes at him. He found himself counting the days to their next date. 

**Monday**

Castiel was on edge the entire day. When Michael would open his mouth, he would be frightened to death that the snake of Gabriel’s past would leap out and choke him and ruin his relationship with his brother. 

**Tuesday**

Anna insisted on purchasing one of the vintage gowns. The cost of alterations alone had Chuck throwing a fit. Amara, his sister, had to take him aside and have a stern conversation about making his children happy. In the end, Amara paid for the dress as her wedding gift to the couple. 

**Wednesday**

Their sister found a beautiful dress. It had puffy sleeves and a long white skirt with a beautiful long silk train. Becky helped find white shoes to go along with the dress. It looked beautiful. 

Cake tasting was next, there were a variety of flavors ranging from chocolate to vanilla to a slice of cream cheese with raspberry. Anna did choose the cake, and of course, it was a cheesecake with huckleberry sauce.

Next came the flowers. It took a few hours, but his sister chose lilies. While she had her brothers choose four flowers for her bouquet. Gabriel choose Stephanotis, they where a small white flower. Balthazar chose  Odontoglossum Orchids that were lovely and looked like long white stars with specks of pink and purple in them. Castiel choose forget-me-nots that were white as well, he had them at his own wedding. 

Thursday

Anna looked through catalogs with Castiel, asking for hair advice. Anna and Castiel looked through the catalogs and laughed at the styles. Some too big some way too short.

“What about a Royal style?” Castiel asked as he laid on the floor of the living room with a good five to seven hair-style catalogs sprawled across the floor.

“Hmm?” Anna asked looking at her brother. Castiel flipped on his back and looked at the ceiling.

“Well, we got Queen Elizabeth’s hairstyle," he said.

“Boring!” Anna said as she shut her eyes.

“Princess Margaret-” he began.

“No! Did you see how big her bun was on her hair? Next!”

“Princess Diana’s?” he asked. Anna looked at him.

“She pulled off a page-boy cut. I can not pull that off! Next!"

Finally, they decided on a messy bun that would be braided in the back. 

**Friday**

It felt like forever since he'd last seen Dean. He ate a light dinner with the family, but skipped their board game, instead texting Dean to pick him up. Around 9:30, after the Novak’s had all gone to bed, Castiel snuck down the stairs to wait for Dean. He felt like a dumb teenager, creeping out to the Impala when he saw headlights coming up the driveway. He made a mad dash to the vintage car, closing the door behind him with a smile. 

"Hey," Dean said softly. 

"Hi. So, where is this dinner?" he asked, smelling something wonderful in the car.

"Mind if I drive you back to the Dunnottar Castle?" Dean asked. "Have some of my mom's haggis? With some lamb sauce gravy?" 

“Perfect.”

***

Castiel sat on the grass. The sound of the waves crashed below and Dean even packed a moose chocolate cake slice. 

"This cake...is...good,'' Castiel said as he was in hailing the food. He looked up at Dean. 

"Yeah. My mom makes some good food," he said softly, scratching the back of his neck. Castiel looked at him for a moment and smiled.

"I haven't been on a date in a long time. This actually is my first one in five years…" Castiel said as he put the fork down and looked at Dean.

"It's been hard?" Dean asked. 

"Very. I was a total mess after the accident." Castiel said. 

"May I ask how he...died?" Dean asked. 

"He went ahead while we were up in Salt Lake City, Utah...Skiing."

_ He went to work. In the South Tower.  _

"Then, after about an hour, I got worried. He didn’t come back to the cabin." 

_ The smoke. He went back in. He went back in… _

"They found him in the evening, with a broken leg and neck. He was in a snow pouch...couldn’t get out. He passed on the way to the hospital."

_ The minute the South Tower fell. He knew. He fucking knew he was gone. _

"I'm so sorry Cas," Dean said softly. Castiel looked at him. 

"It was a long time ago…" Castiel said as he looked at the man. Castiel leaned over to Dean and kissed him on the lips. Dean cupped his face, kissing him deeper and bringing him in for the kiss. It felt good, right. He pulled away and looked at Dean. 

"That was..." Castiel began

"Wonderful?" Dean asked him, humming slightly. Castiel looked at him and nodded. 

“It really was. You know, I might want to do that again.” Castiel said pulling Dean in for another.


	11. Chapter 11

#  **Chapter 10**

July was looming ever-closer. Anna would be getting married on the 26th and Castiel had himself wrapped up in Dean the past few days. It was just kissing, no sex. He would find himself sneaking back in the house around the early hours of the morning, and flopped himself down on the bed. He’d get maybe three hours of sleep before Anna or his mother burst into the attic room with plans for another  _ fun-packed day _ of wedding planning. 

Castiel would wonder why his sister would marry here? Out of all the places in the entire world she had to pick Scotland. It was cool as hell. That lake was pretty much useless. While Castiel was glad to have had the chance to meet Dean, he was also deeply sad. Dean was the first man he’d been with that made him feel something. Still, he knew Dean wouldn’t leave Sam. Dean grew up here and to Castiel, it seemed likely he would stay here. would stay here. Castiel daydreamed what would happen if he stayed in Scotland after the wedding. Would he fall for a total stranger? What about his brother? What would his parents say? Oh god, what would his father say?  _ You...what?!  _ he could hear his father sputtering and going to a heart attack state. Now what a  _ fun  _ day that would be! 

Castiel felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned to see Michael. 

“Hey,” Michael said.

“Um. Hi,” Castiel was sitting in the kitchen reading  _ ‘A Long Way Down’  _ Michael smiled. 

“How about you and I grab us some drinks?” he asked smiling. Castiel looked down at his book, then up to Michael who seemed to grin at him like a fucking creep.

“Sure...What could go wrong?” he asked looking up to Michael.

***

The Grill was a good ten minutes from the house and downtown. Michael led him in the bar and sat on a stool, motioning for Castiel to join him. Both men looked at the menu before Michael snapped his fingers and smiled. “How about that bad boy," he said pointing at the  _ Talisker.  _ Castiel squinted at the price. 

“Michael, that’s like, eighty-four dollars!” he said gasping. Michael shrugged, ordering the bottle from the bartender who opened it and left it with them.

“Come on, pretty boy...drink up," he already had a glass and poured more into the glass in front of Castiel.

“For Alex,” Michael said smiling. Castiel felt the tension ebb from his shoulders and accepted the olive branch Michael seemed to extend. Castiel hoped this would be a good start for them.

“For Alex,” Castiel said and they clinked glasses.

Michael and Castiel where drunk. Neither were capable of driving. Castiel hasn’t been this drunk since New Year’s. He and Michael were walking along the side of the road, trying to see who could walk the straightest. They neared a hill that they had to walk up.

“I’ll give ya a blow job if I can ride on your back,” Castiel slurred and then burst into giggles. Michael looked at him and shoved him hard. 

“Fuck off.”

The sound of a car came up behind them as they made it half-way up the hill. Castiel looked over to the car and smiled.

“Hello, Dean!” Castiel said, stumbling to the car door. Dean rolled down the window and looked at the two.

“Hey. Do you guys need a lift?” He asked.

“No. I don’t ride fags.” Michael said sharply. Castiel whirled around.    
  


“Shut it," he said slurring his words.

“Um, maybe I should get ye family?” Dean asked.

“No!” Castiel yelled. “They can’t know about you!” he gripped the car door tightly.

“But I know about you...faggot,” Michael said, teetering at the edge of the hill and the road. Castiel turned to him.

“I said shut it,” Castiel said pointing at him.

“Oh, has Cassie told you about his tragic past?” Michael called out to Dean.

“I think I really should...um...go,” Dean said. Castiel shook his head.

“No...wait...really...wait," he pleaded. Michael took a step toward the car.

“You should go. Before you end up like his dear husband.” Michael said smiling.

“I don’t ski,” Dean said.

“Oh, is  _ that  _ what he told you?” Michael laughed. “His husband didn’t die in a skiing accident. He died because he was stupid and stayed in the damn tower, probably wanted to work on 9/11 after your pushing the thought of children. Probably wanted to. Probably couldn’t stand your-” Castiel punched him. He hit him so hard that Michael grabbed his shirt in the process and brought him down over the ledge of the hill with him. 

Both men tumbled down the hill. Castiel landed first and got to his knees and swung again at Michael. 

“You’re a little fighter aren’t you?” Michael asked wiping the blood off his mouth. 

“How dare you! Speak of him like that!” Castiel yelled. He hit Michael again. Michael hit Castiel hard in the jaw. 

“At least I’m not pouring the thought of children on my wife,” Michael said. Castiel glared at him. 

_ How did he find out? Could it have been-oh no... _ He heard tires screeching and he saw the van his family had rented for the trip, but where was Dean? Michael smiled.

“I bet he’s disappointed in you. I bet he can’t fucking stand you.” 

Castiel hit him hard in the jaw. Michael stumbled back and grabbed Castiel to help him from falling. He could hear his family yelling about them. Then he felt the strain of his necklace he looked down to see it break. The golden chain that was Alex’s shattered, the little golden links broke off. Castiel saw their wedding rings fall to the ground. He found himself staring at the breaking of the necklace.

_ “It’s beautiful. Where did you get it?” Castiel asked.  _

_ Alex turned to him showing him the necklace.  _

_ “It was a graduation gift from my father. It’s been in the family for a long time," he said.  _

_ “So...we have...to...have...children?” Castiel asked giggling.  _

_ Alex rolled his eyes. _

_ “Cas...” _

Castiel glared at Michael for a moment, then lunged. There was screaming. There was blood. Castiel was hitting Michael over and over until he could feel his father and his brothers pull them apart. He kept punching and kicking and screaming. 

“ _ Stop it! _ ” Anna screamed, helping Michel to stand on wobbling feet. She whirled around to face Castiel.

“You can go the fuck home! You’re not coming to my wedding! I hate you! I thought getting you out of that damn city would do some good! But all it did was mess shit up. Alexander wouldn’t have wanted this.” Castiel looked over to his family. They had no look of pity for him. Except maybe Gabriel. 

Chuck glared at Castiel and shook his head. “We’re going to speak of this later.” His father helped support Michael as they and Anna made their way slowly up the hill to Amara and Becky. Gabriel stepped away from them to join his brother“You shouldn’t have done that Castiel,” Gabriel said quietly as he bent down to help him pick up the small golden pieces of the necklace. Castiel stayed quiet as they picked up the necklace. They finished, and Gabriel placed the pieces in his little brother's hands. Castiel looked at Gabriel and then tucked them into the pocket of his pants. The pair walked back to the rental, the other Novak’s long since gone.

***

Castiel knocked on the door to the Winchester home. He saw the Impala parked in the driveway. Dean opened the door. 

“Oh, it’s you," he said.

_ Ouch.  _ Castiel thought. “Look about-” he began.

“No, you lied to me,” Dean said opening the door glaring at him. “You told me he died in a skiing accident, and yet he died in some terrorist attack," he said.

Castiel glared at him. “So what? Maybe I didn’t want to tell you.” 

“It’s not just that, it’s the damn lying. I hate it when people lie because it’s always going to be something else. ‘Oh Dean, I’m just late.’ Or ‘Oh Dean, it’s just a kiss it meant nothing!’ But it  _ did! _ ” Dean yelled angrily. Castiel backed up. Dean glared at him. 

“I’m sorry. But I’m done. I’m done...with...  _ You! _ ” The door was slammed shut, and Castiel bowed his head.

When Castiel got back to the house, he opened the door and could hear his father cursing and swearing. He peeked into the kitchen and saw his father tossing down Gabriel’s orange folder on the table. 

“This is shit. This is fucking shit," he said angrily.

“It wasn’t right of you to do that to our son. He’s a grown man. He didn’t need that. He’s already had enough,” his mother said calmly.

_ Oh shit! Gabriel!  _ Castiel backed away and went up the stairs. He passed his sister’s room; Anna was sitting on the bed sobbing while Michael comforted her. He went up the other flight to the attic. He opened up the door and saw his brother lying down on the side of the bed, his back to him.

“Gabbie?” Castiel whispered. 

“I fucking hate you,” Gabriel said angrily. Castiel was taken aback by his brother’s words. He walked over to the bed and sat down.

“Gabriel I’m sorry,” He said softly.

“You had to fight Michael! I was  _ punished  _ by my father. I’m thirty-three years old and my father punished me. How fucked up is that? I hate you!” Gabriel said as he started to cry. “I wish you weren't my brother," he said angrily. 

***

Castiel laid in bed, staring at the ceiling with bloodshot eyes. He was very far from drunk but still felt hungover. He watched the ceiling fan run its course. He kept thinking back to that day. The day before his life ended. He tried to shut it out, but what Michael said, made the memory come surfacing back.

** _September 10th, 2001_ **

_ Castiel lined up the colors on the table. He laid out the paperwork for adoption. He couldn’t wait to show Alex. All they had to do was sign the papers and get the house ready for the caseworker. He heard the door open and he rushed to the front of the living room. He saw Alex come in the door looking tired. It was a good thing he had the day off tomorrow.  _

_ “Hello, Alex,” Castiel said taking his husband’s coat and planting a kiss on his lips. “How was work?” he asked. _

_ “I swear to god, I’m going to vote for Bush next election,” Alex said as he began to walk into the kitchen. Castiel followed him after putting the coat in the closet.  _

_ “What is this?” He could hear Alex’s voice coming from the next room. Castiel walked into the kitchen and saw Alex holding the paperwork. _

_ “It’s adoption forms. I got from the courthouse. We can become foster parents first, that’s what Danneel is-” Castiel began. _

_ “We’ve talked about this,” Alex said gruffly.  _

_ “Yes, but we’re older now…” Castiel said putting his hands on his hips. _

_ “We are twenty-six,” Alex said turning around. “We can’t have kids.” _

_ “Wait, why?” Castiel said, now upset by the ordeal. Alex shook his head.  _

_ “The answer is no,” Alex said firmly. _

_ “I can work extra jobs if it’s the money. We can take out a loan or maybe borrow some money from your father-” Castiel was rambling. _

_ “I said no!” Alex yelled. Castiel glared at him. Alex was walking away and going into his office. _

_ “Give me a reason!” Castiel said, equally upset. Alex was shaking his head muttering something a few steps outside the doorway. _

_ “Why can’t we have kids, Al? Why? You know I love children, you  _ know  _ this. I want children," he kept pushing Alex.  _

_ “Because they don’t accept us!” Alex screamed he whirled around. “They don’t except two gay men raising a child. Do you see how hard it is? Do you get it Cas? The pressure that is built upon us because of what we are? The world doesn't accept us!” he cried out. _

_ “I accept you!” Castiel screamed angrily, close to tears. “I. Accepted. You. I  _ love  _ you. You don’t kiss me in public or make those dumb ass sexual remarks that make me squirm. What are we? You show me no affection in public. I can’t hold your hand or anything! All you want me to do is work, put dinner on the table and you expect me to get on my hands and knees with my ass up in the air,” Castiel said. Alexander looked at him.  _

_ His eyes searching for something in Castiel. “Is that what you want? Affection?” Alex asked dryly.  _

_ Castiel nodded. He watched him shut his eyes and take in a few deep breaths. _

_ “Alex?” Castiel asked softly.  _

_ “Shh, I’m thinking," he said, humming.  _

_ “Alex?” Castiel’s voice got more desperate. “You’re not going to leave me are you?” he asked.  _

_ Alexander opened his eyes and looked at Castiel. “I can’t deal with this now…” he said, and he turned and walked away into the office and shut the door.  _

_ Castiel found his way to the bedroom. He stripped his clothes off and laid down under the covers of the bed. A few minutes later, he heard the door open and Alexander come in. He felt him press his body against his. _

_ “I’m not asking for a divorce...I’m saying I’m not ready to be a father yet,” Alexander spoke softly. Castiel stayed quiet. He felt fingers stroking his back and then he felt that pleasure. He gripped the sheets, while Alex began to push deeper into him. Castiel let out a gasp. They both stayed quiet as they had unspoken sex. This was common. Alexander placed a kiss on his neck. “I love you," he whispered.  _

_ Castiel would feel that love. He woke up to Alex getting dressed in the morning. Getting ready to go in for work. He needed space. He was silent at breakfast, silent as they showered. They held hands in the car. Not speaking to one another. That’s how their relationship was now. Castiel felt as if he were suffocating in it.  _

Castiel opened his eyes and saw that his vision was blurry. He’d been crying. He covered up his face and rolled over to the window. Why was he messing everything up? His entire life was breaking before him.


	12. Chapter 12

#  **Chapter 11:**

“Alright. You can come to my wedding. I was upset, and it was in the moment, but I swear to god, if you try  _ anything _ , I will kick your ass out,” Anna said standing in front of Castiel. He looked over to Michael then back to her. He nodded. 

“Of course," he said. Anna smiled. She hugged him and kissed him on the cheek. 

July was going to be one heck of a ride. Not only was the Novak's side of the family coming, including Chuck’s grandfather, Great-Grandpa Jared, but Becky’s family, the Chatfields were also making the trip.

Chuck, Gabriel, and Castiel waited on the tarmac of the Aberdeen Airport for their grandparents and great-grandpa to come off the flight along with Mrs. Novak’s sisters and her mother. 

“You boys remember how Grandpa Jared can be right?” Chuck asked. Gabriel rolled his eyes and looked at Castiel and made a funny face.

“Hi, Dad!” Chuck said, greeting his father and then hugged his mother. He looked down to see Great-Grandpa Jared in a wheelchair, he was ninety-seven years old and had such a sour mouth.

“Who’s getting married again?” Jared asked in a raspy voice.

“Anna,” Grandma Novak said.

“Nana? She’s been dead for fifteen years,” Jared said. Grandma Novak groaned. Castiel and Gabriel laughed. 

Michael’s family came off the plane and they looked  _ good. _ Mrs. Chatfield was in her early fifties and looked like she was full of plastic. Mr. Chatfield was a good-looking gentleman as well. Castiel watched his father straighten back his hair and try to look decent.

The drive back to the house was insanely awkward. Great-Grandpa Jared was mumbling the entire time. Everyone wanted to get out of the car before someone died of extreme boredom.

In the days leading up to the wedding, Castiel saw Dean sparingly: watering flowers, working on the decking. He tried to catch Dean's eye, waving to the gardener, but Dean never waved back. Castiel knew he'd messed up, but hoped Dean might forgive him before they had to leave.

Castiel spoke with Gabriel. 

“He hasn’t talked to me since the incident with Michael.”   
  


“Well, yeah because maybe? You like, I don’t know, lied to him?” Gabriel asked glaring at his little brother. 

“You’re not helping,,” Castiel growled. 

Gabriel shrugged and walked off, typical since the incident with the orange folder.

***

Everyone was in a panic on the day of the wedding. Of course, they were. It was The Big Day. Mary Winchester had set up the catering as promised, but she didn’t stay to help. Dean must have told her what happened because she was very cold to Castiel. It had been a while since he’d been in a Church. St. Machar's Cathedral was one of the oldest churches in Aberdeen. It was made of stone and had three beautiful stained-glass windows framing the altar. Some of Anna’s friends and other friends of the Novaks and Chatfields had flown in as well. Roughly thirty people came. 

Castiel sat in the front pew with his family as they were waiting to get everyone set up. Michael was already at the altar. Flowers were stung up and people were chattering. Finally, that music began to play. Everyone stood up, Anna, elegant as ever, came down the aisle with Mr. Novak leading her. People gushed and Mrs. Novak began to cry. As they neared the altar, Anna gazed over to Castiel who smiled at her, then looked down at his shoes. 

Mr. Novak gave his daughter over to Michael and the priest smiled at them.

“Today, we are gathered to celebrate the newfound love of Anna Novak and Michael Chatfield. Their love is eternal and forever. May God be with them on this new beginning of marriage. Now, if anyone has something to say that these two should not be wed, please speak now or forever hold your peace.”

“Wait,” Anna said squeezing her eyes shut. “I’m sorry…” She looked over to Castiel. “I’m so sorry that Alexander died Cas.” She said.

“Anna, it's not a good time,” Castiel whispered to her.

“No Cas, you listen to me. I’ve seen you fall in love. I know what that’s like. You like that boy across the lake, I know you do. I’ve seen you sneak out in the nighttime to see him. Don’t be coy, I know. I want you to be happy Castiel. I don’t want you to be alone anymore. You want to know the real reason why I had a wedding so early?” she called out to the family. 

“Anna,” Michael whispered. “What is it?”

“Watch her be gay,” Great-Grandpa Jared said to Mr. Chatfield. Anna laughed and shook her head.

“No...No...I’m not...gay...I’m pregnant,” she said. A collective gasp echoed through the cathedral. Mrs. Novak let out a shriek, people were talking. Mr. Novak looked like he might have a heart attack. Anna turned to Castiel, leaving Michael, dumbfounded, to join Castiel in the aisle.

“Anna…” he began. She grabbed his hands. 

“Go to him,” she said softly.

“How do you know he’ll take me back?” he asked. She hugged him.

“You have a way with your words. Now go,” she said and let go of her brother. Castiel smiled and looked at his brother, Gabriel. 

“Come on, let’s get out of here," he said as he grabbed his brother’s hand and ran out of the church doors. There was a car waiting there and Gabriel was already sliding into the driver's seat.

“That’s Anna and Michael’s car,” Castiel said. Gabriel rolled his eyes. 

“Do you want to miss your chance?” he asked. Castiel sighed and got into the car. They drove off in a really ugly cream-yellow car with cans in the back bumper and a sticker proclaiming the happy couple:  _ ‘Just Married’ _ **. **

As they drove through the streets, people shouted congratulations. As they drove by Dunnottar Castle, Castiel saw the Black Chevy Impala. 

“Stop!” he cried and Gabriel hit the brakes so hard they made a terrible screeching noise. Castiel got out of the car and took off down the grass to the Impala. He ran until he got to the car but it was empty. Castiel looked around him; there were people there of course. Then he saw him. Standing with his back to the car; he was down on the beach. 

“Dean!” Castiel cried. He ran down the long flight of stairs, down to the beach edge. He watched as Dean turned around, and Castiel flung himself into Dean’s arms. The other man caught him easily. 

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry I lied to you. I was so afraid that you’d just think of me as some lonely house widower and God. You know, I don’t want people to think of me like that. I really don’t. I’m sorry I lied to you, Dean. I really am,” Castiel said quickly. He glanced up at Dean who was staring at him. He reached over and touched his cheek.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Dean asked.

“It’s private, and...There were so many people that died that day, not just my husband. But his friends, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, sons and daughters. I didn’t just lose Alex. I lost friends there, too. People felt sorry for me, and I didn’t want that. I wanted the people to be sorry for other people...for the people who lost their lives...not me...I don’t want to be seen as helpless.” Castiel said.

“I want to say I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten involved with your past,” Dean said. Castiel shook his head.

“No, that’s a good thing. It’s good to get involved in people’s pasts...If they let you in," he squeezed Dean’s hands.

“Would you let me in?” Dean asked. Castiel smiled. 

“I wish we could begin all over again…” Castiel said, blushing. Dean smiled. He let go of Castiel and stuck out his hand. Castiel smiled and shook his hand.

“Hi, I’m Dean Winchester,” Dean said. Castiel smiled, blushing harder.

“Hello, Dean. I’m Castiel Novak.”


	13. Chapter 13

#  **Epilogue **

** _September, 11th 2011_ **

Castiel Winchester was leaning up against the Impala. The cool New York breeze made him shiver. The monument was built and opened nearly ten years later. Castiel shut his eyes and let a breath catch before he heard the sound of giggling. Castiel opened his eyes and smiled. He saw Dean carrying Claire on his shoulders and Jack in one of his arms. He held a dozen roses in the other hand. Gabriel took a sip of tea and sat back on the bench, watching his brother.

Dean came to live with Castiel a year after Anna’s wedding. They got married in 2008 and adopted Jack and Claire in 2009. Samantha stayed in Scotland. They made the trip to Scotland for holidays and birthdays whenever they could.

“You're in love, we can all see it," Gabriel said. Castiel glared at him and rolled his eyes. Dean came up to the brothers and smiled.

“I just got them from daycare. Would you...like to go first?” Dean asked swinging Clarie around and putting her feet on the ground. She went to Gabriel and tried to grab the tea out of his hands. Castiel looked at Dean.

“Are you sure? I mean we can-” he began.

“No. It’s fine. I know how much he meant to you. Go. I’ll wait...here. I got you these as well," he gave him the roses and Castiel smiled. 

“I’ll be back,” Castiel said. He turned and walked to the monument. 

They made two outlines of the base of the Twin Towers. All the names were carved into the black marble. A waterfall flowed between both of the towers. Castiel ran his fingers over the names and found his friends’ names. He found Naomi’s name carved there. His heart shattered as he read each one. He stopped when he found Alexander’s name. He felt tears streaming down his cheeks and he touched the letters. 

“Hello, Al…” he whispered, as he placed a rose in the small vase mounted into the stone. “I miss you so much.” 

“He was a very good friend,” said a voice behind him. Castiel turned around and saw a woman standing there with an older daughter and a younger, smaller one.

“Who are you?” Castiel asked.

“My name is Rachel. I was Alexander's best friend growing up in Utah,” she said. “I’m guessing he never told you?” 

Castiel nodded. “Alex had his secrets," he whispered.

“I was there, that day. I don’t think you remember, but you saved me and my daughter. By putting us in that building…” she said. He had to search his mind for it, but he did remember them.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t save him," he said.

“That’s okay. I don’t think he wanted to be saved. I think he always wanted to help,” Rachel said. “He loved you,” she said.

“I know,” Castiel said biting into his lip. 

“I was only there that day because he wanted us to meet. We'd planned that trip for months as a surprise...but...” she trailed off. 

“We could have been good friends,” Castiel whispered. Rachel smiled and wiped away her tears. Castiel saw the younger girl behind her. He got down on one knee and dug through his pocket to find a box. He pulled it out and handed it to the older daughter. 

“This was my husband’s necklace. He loved it very much. He wanted to give it to his children. I think you would like it...but you have to promise me that you’re going to take care of it," he said softly. The girl gazed at him. Her big brown eyes looked like Alex’s. She nodded and looked at her mother.

“I’ll take care of it,” she said. Castiel smiled and ruffled her hair. As he got up, he watched Rachel for a moment and she hugged him. They exchanged numbers and promised to keep in touch. Claire ran up to him and jumped into his arms. Dean was close behind, with Gabriel at toe. 

  
“Daddy?” she asked. Castiel looked at her.

“Yes?”

“Can you tell me about him?” she asked. Castiel smiled, he looked up to Dean and turned around with her in his arms, watching the crowd for a few seconds.

“Well...It started with a cup of coffee…” he began.


	14. Chapter 14

**Acknowledgments**

Done! Wow! My very first DCBB. It was an emotional ride. I first want to thank my lovely Beta/Alpha reader, @mrshays. Who went through and picked apart my story (in a good way) I could have not done it without you. 

To my lovely magical @ninjasoulreaper27 for her  _ wonderful  _ art and taking the time to make my art. I would also like to thank the DC mods for taking their time to answer my questions! I also want to thank Rachael, Miley, and Jennifer for letting me use Alex’s story! I also want to thank the firefighters, bystanders, and police officers who lost their lives in 9/11 who helped and save so many people that day including my forever friend. To my wonderful boyfriend who stayed up late at night to listen to my rants about what was going to happen in the story, you are my rock for this story.


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